I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. And I urge you also, true companion, help these women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the Book of Life.
We may not regularly hear about a “clash of the titans,” but we regularly hear about a clash of personalities. Clashes between a husband and wife, a parent and child, or a sister and brother can become uncontrollable. These interpersonal conflicts have brought terrible consequences. Starting from the conflict between Cain and Abel until today, the world is filled with quarrels and fighting. These conflicts result in divisions in families, even divorces, and can lead to crimes in society and wars between nations. Even the most educated people struggle to live in a harmonious relationship with one another. A trait of great historical figures is that they have learned the tact to handle these conflicts. We respect Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, and even Mahatma Gandhi as great leaders because of this tact.
When such conflicts occur in the church, they can not only hinder the church’s growth but also bring discredit to the gospel among unbelievers. In a divided world, the unity of the church is a great witness to the saving power of the gospel. When that is marred by internal conflicts, the church is no longer a witness for the gospel. The Bible tells us to expect such conflicts in the church and wants us to learn to handle them with God’s grace by bearing with one another and forgiving one another.
If you have never had the “wonderful” experience of having a conflict with someone in the church or having your feelings hurt by another Christian, either you are a new believer or you have never been involved in a growing or serving church. I can guarantee that if you get involved, you will have a conflict with another Christian. I don’t say that to discourage you from getting involved, but rather to help you think realistically and to be prepared for the inevitable.
In today’s passage, Philippians 4:2-3, Paul deals with internal tension and friction between two women in the church at Philippi. These two short verses, inspired by the Holy Spirit, teach us more lessons on how to handle conflict than all the books in the world. I want to explain this verse as four lessons for dealing with interpersonal conflicts.
Lessons on Handling Conflict
Lesson 1: Conflicts can arise even between mature Christians.
We all tend to think idealistically that since we are all Christians, living by the Bible and with the Holy Spirit, and obeying the command to love one another, that there won’t be any conflicts among us. This idealistic condition is not realistic. Whether in a church or in a Christian family, there will be conflicts, even among grown believers. We see in the book of Acts that Paul himself had a conflict with Barnabas. I am not saying this to justify ourselves, but to our shame and to the discredit of the gospel, we have to realize that because of our remaining sin, we will have conflicts.
Look at these two women. What do we know about them? Verses 2-3 tell us three things about them: their names, their relationship to the church, and their ministry. Their names, Euodia and Syntyche, are Greek, so they are not Jewish women. Their names are interesting: Euodia means “good journey,” and Syntyche means “fortunate.” Secondly, their relationship to the church: they were members of the church in Philippi, otherwise why would Paul even consider writing their names and asking them to be of one mind? Thirdly, they were not just ordinary members; they were prominent members of the church.
They were not two quiet women who came on Sundays, sat in the back row, and left. They were greatly gifted and zealous. Note what Paul says about them in verse 3: “These women who labored with me in the gospel.” The right translation is that they “struggled/contended with me in the cause of the gospel.” Paul does not use the ordinary word for “laborer” or “fellow laborer.” They struggled and fought with him as fellow soldiers in the conflict of the gospel. These women not only had joy in their hearts from believing the gospel, but their hearts were also inflamed with zeal for the spread of the gospel. So they joined Paul to spread the gospel.
In a manner appropriate for women in the church, they struggled with Paul as fellow soldiers for the progress of the gospel. This does not mean they preached in the church along with Paul, as that would be contrary to what Paul taught: women are not allowed to teach or exercise authority over men in the church (1 Tim. 2:11-15; see also 1 Cor. 11:3-16; 14:34-35). These women, in various other ways, with mighty gifts of personal evangelism, brought people to Paul, took Paul to others, arranged gospel meetings, helped him establish the church, and taught other women and children in the church. In a hundred and one ways, they gave invaluable assistance, so much so that he calls them his fellow soldiers who fought with him for the gospel.
I think they must have been founding members of the church. Remember in Acts 16, when there was no synagogue in Philippi, Paul found a group of women holding a prayer meeting by a riverside. And as he preached to them, the Spirit of God worked in the hearts of some, and these women became the nucleus and founding members of the church at Philippi. Acts 17:4, 12 says some prominent, noble women of the city joined Paul and helped him in spreading the gospel. In other words, these were women of great standing in society at that time, whether by wealth, political status, or influence. Euodia and Syntyche may have belonged to that group. Remember what struggles Paul had in founding the church—he was beaten with rods and arrested. These women suffered and struggled with him to establish the church. In verse 3, Paul mentions that they fought with him, and he also mentions another name, Clement—we do not know anything about this man—and then others in the church whose names are in the book of life. So, the identity of these women is clear: their names, their relationship as members of the church at Philippi, and their ministry as soldiers who fought with Paul. They must have been famous women in the Philippian church.
How could such women, who not only were saved but even sacrificed for the gospel and were mature, have conflicts? That is the first lesson we learn: even mature people in Christ can have conflicts. We have to admit that, not to justify ourselves and continue in that state, but to realize that there is a possibility because of remaining sin. Sadly, these conflicts, though common, can terribly affect the growth and blessing on the church and the spread of the gospel.
Lesson 2: Resolving conflicts is first the responsibility of each person involved.
Paul comes to know about the rift between these women through Epaphroditus, who not only brought gifts to support Paul but was also the messenger of the Philippian church. This is a serious, deep rift, not a small, temporary conflict, and it will not easily be overcome. So Paul shows the way to resolve it here. First, notice that Paul is not telling Epaphroditus to go and resolve that conflict as a pastor. The first thing he does is directly tell these women to take the responsibility to resolve this conflict.
Look at the language in verse 2: “I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.” Generally, we would use one verb, “I implore both of you,” but here, Paul repeats the verb, “I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche,” because the responsibility is equally applicable to both. It is a call to each of the women individually to do something. “Don’t just wait for the other person; each of you has a responsibility to resolve this.”
He is calling them to be of the same mind in the Lord. Not of the same mind about clothing, colors, or other personal likes and dislikes, but “the same mind in the Lord.” This is to be of one mind with respect to their common union with Jesus Christ, all their relationships, and all the activities and perspectives that grow out of that union. They should have one mind about truth, church, practice, and the gospel. Do not allow your personal things to hinder this oneness of mind.
It is a unity in our union with Christ. They are sisters in Christ, whether they like it or not. They did not make that choice; God made it, and their responsibility is to acknowledge this. They were in Christ on the cross, in His body and in His blood. They are one body in Christ as a church. Nothing in the universe for all eternity can change that. They are members of Christ’s body, so they should be of the same mind.
You will remember Paul gave this command to the entire church in chapter 2, verse 3: “Fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” Then he gave the great example of Christ’s humiliation. Now he takes this general command and gives a personal application to these two women.
So the lesson here is that resolving these conflicts is first the responsibility of each of those involved in the conflict. In Matthew 18:15, Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.” In Matthew 5:23-24, the situation is reversed in that your brother has something against you. You go and resolve it before you worship. Yet in both situations, it is incumbent on you to take the initiative to go to your brother. Many relational problems in churches and even families would be quickly resolved if we would follow this simple guideline: to take the initiative to go to the other person to try to clear up the problem between us. Instead, we keep talking about that person to others. This is gossip or slander and just compounds the problem.
So Paul says to resolve your conflict with one goal: to be of the same mind in the Lord. Our goal in any relational conflict is not to win or teach the other person a lesson if they mess with us. Do not do anything out of vain glory, selfish ambition, or ego. Our goal is to be of the same mind in the Lord. The honor of Christ and the testimony of the gospel should be at the forefront as we seek to resolve any conflict.
What should you do if you are very angry and bitter at that person? Humbly confess that anger or bitterness to God, pray for His grace to overcome this, find strength in your union with the Lord to eradicate the bitterness, and wait on God for the right attitude, timing, and place. Think through the proper wording that will be winsome and will not communicate arrogance or an accusing spirit, trying to convince the other person of how wrong they were. Your manner and attitude must be gentle.
We don’t know the problem here. In resolving conflicts, you first identify what the problem is. Most problems between Christians are a personal wrong (someone said or did something that hurt you), a personality clash (the person just “rubs you the wrong way”), or among women, it can even be caused by silly things. Sometimes it’s things like, “They didn’t wish me,” “They saw me and went off as if they didn’t see me, without wishing or smiling,” “They didn’t invite me to their house,” “I didn’t like their dress,” “The food was not good,” “My idea was not respected,” “They know I sit there regularly, but she sat there,” or “The AC was too cold.” Conflicts develop like that.
Is it something that you can never forgive? Maybe they have wronged you, and in many cases, they don’t even know they have wronged you. They don’t even know you felt bad or were hurt by what they did. They had no intention of doing so; we just assume things about others’ intentions. Granted, you are hurt and wounded by what they did or said. How do you heal that wound? Not by allowing a bitter wound to grow, not seeing their face next time, or seeing them with a grin. They will wonder why you are suddenly acting like this. Then you give small hints about that person to others. That is how relationships break and a bitter root grows and causes big troubles in the church. Hebrews 12:15 says, “Watch over each other to make sure that no one misses God’s grace. And make sure no one lives with a root of bitterness sprouting within them which will only cause trouble and poison the hearts of many.”
See the danger of a bitter root in our hearts: you lose the grace of God and poison many. But instead of all that, we can humbly acknowledge that we are weak and we are hurt. Go and share your feelings: “What they said hurt you like this, and you were affected.” Then they may feel your hurt and say, “Oh, I am very sorry. I didn’t know at all. I didn’t know it would affect you like this. I’m sorry; I will never do that again. I will be careful. I understand how you feel now.” That is when a relationship grows and a wound heals.
It is the same in marriage. When a wife or husband hurts the other, we hate to humbly acknowledge our weakness and our vulnerability to get hurt. We react as if we are strong; we don’t talk, and we turn our faces. But instead, we should acknowledge our weakness, express how we feel, and make them understand from our perspective. That always creates healing for the wounds and builds relationships. Only you can do that. I cannot express how you felt, right?
A pastor once asked a member to bring songbooks to a meeting, but the member completely forgot. When the pastor asked for the books, the member said, “Oh, sorry, Pastor, I forgot.” The pastor replied, “This is what I expected.” Those words really stung him. He was so upset and bitter at the pastor. “How am I insulted? Does he expect that I will not do anything properly? What does he know about my troubles? How can he say that?” For a week, he struggled with that and couldn’t control it. He went to the pastor and asked, “Pastor, you said, ‘This is what I expected.’ What did you mean?” The pastor explained, “It had nothing to do with you, but it was just one of those days where nothing had gone right. I came to the meeting late, and I didn’t have time to sing, so no songbooks actually helped me. That’s why I said, ‘This is what I expected.'” See, just by asking for clarification, it cleared up what could have been a bitter and strained relationship.
The Third Lesson
Lesson 3: Resolving deep conflicts sometimes requires the help of a mature, tactful third person who can act as a mediator.
Notice that Paul didn’t just say, “I implore both of you to resolve this.” He also said in verse 3, “I urge you also, true companion, help these women.”
Now, who is this “true companion”? Commentators make many suggestions as to who this might have been, but the bottom line is, nobody knows. Some think Paul was playing with words and that the man’s name was Syzygus (the Greek for “companion”). His name points to someone who brings two people together and who should be true to his name and help these women. Others say no, he was calling Epaphroditus, the bearer of the letter, who did not need to be named (since Paul told him personally to do this), but who is mentioned here so that the church knew he was acting under Paul’s direction. All are possible.
Whoever it was, Paul was asking a third person to resolve a conflict as a mediator. He says “help them,” which is a beautiful word. The same word is used in Luke 5, where a boat was so filled with fish that they called others to come and help. In a beautiful way, Paul is saying, “Companion, get inside the sinking boat with these women, understand their conflict, draw near to them, and get into their shoes. Help them in this very effort at reconciliation.”
You see the progression? Relationship, affection, estimation. He describes them as his joy and his crown. They are his joy, the inward delight, pleasure, and gladness he feels when he thinks of them. It’s perhaps better described by its opposite: it’s the opposite of grief and of pain. When we think of some people, they only bring grief; none of their memories bring joy. When he thought of the Corinthian church, for which he put in so much effort, their lack of commitment to the gospel brought him grief. But not the Philippians. Whenever he thought of them, his heart danced within him. Their commitment to Christ and the church, and how they respected his ministry, efforts, and sacrifices in Christ, caused his heart to leap for joy. They were his joy. Remember, he had very difficult circumstances in chains, many churches had forsaken him, and many Roman churches were causing trouble. In the midst of all that, he found his joy in his flock, saying, “You’re my joy.”
But then he says they were his crown. In the New Testament, there are two basic words used for crown. One is diadem, from which we get our English word. It is a royal crown a king would wear. But the word used here is a different word; it means a wreath, a laurel, a victory symbol given to an athlete who won a contest. Paul uses that in 1 Corinthians 9:25 when he speaks of people who strive in an athletic contest to obtain a corruptible crown; it’s that kind of crown—a crown of victory.
In what sense could Paul describe the Philippians as his crown of victory? Because for all the efforts Paul put in for them, seeing their commitment, growth, obedience, and witness for the gospel, he values them as his crown of victory. See Philippians 2:12: “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.”
He calls them his “crown”—the verb is in the present tense here. “Even in prison, I am wearing a crown. I am crowned.” If someone were to come to him and say, “Paul, you have lost everything and served the church and Christ. What have you achieved with all your efforts and sacrifices? What use were all those efforts, Paul, all that sweat and those tired, sore muscles?” Paul would say, “I am crowned with victory.” The person might reply, “Where, Paul? I only see chains; you are imprisoned.” Paul would say, “Go to Philippi; you will see my achievement. These Philippians are my crown. You are my present crown, the reward of my years of labor, sacrifices, and ministry. You are my achievement, my victory crown, now present. You’re the proof of my effective service. You’re my crown. You’re the reward that says this has been an effective life.” The affirmation of any person’s life is the people God has used him or her to touch.
You, as a group of people from every ethnic, religious, and cultural background, are bound together in a bond of faith in Jesus Christ, standing against the tremendous pressure of Roman paganism in thought and lifestyle, committed fully to the church, and living lives worthy of the gospel as lights, doing all things without murmuring and disputing in a crooked and perverse generation. You are the monument of my true success as a minister. Just like parents who boast in their children when they achieve great things and make them proud, saying, “See my child, my pride, my crown, my strength,” Paul’s joy was this church and the spiritual progress they were making.
They were not only his crown now, but in the future, when Christ comes, he will receive a crown of victory because of the Philippians. Caesar may wear his crown and stand as a royal emperor ruling the whole Roman kingdom, but he is a pathetic, empty man who will soon die and whose crown will fade. “But I may be sitting in jail looking like a beggar. I am wearing a royal crown now and will wear an eternal crown when Christ comes. What is the guarantee? You are the sign of that. Your commitment and life are the cause for that.”
So I hope you can see these are not just empty fillers. In these words, Paul is showing his relationship, his affection, and his estimation of the Philippians. Why does he say all this? So that they may stir themselves and give earnest, utmost attention to the command he now gives. Look at the key command in the verse.
Verse 1: “Therefore, my beloved and longed-for brethren, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, beloved.”
This is going to be the key command, not only at the conclusion of the epistle but as the key command in this entire chapter: Christian stability. Oh, how much we need it. Can I tell you that all our problems as individual Christians and as a church can be summed up by the fact that we are unstable Christians and an unstable church? There is no stability. Let us learn about Christian stability from Paul.
There are three aspects to this command: the central command, “stand fast”; the manner, the little word “so,” which means “in the same way, in the particular manner he taught in the previous chapter”; and the strength by which we realize this stability, “in the Lord.”
Stand Fast
First, “Stand Fast.” It’s an imperative command and a military word that means to stand your ground and stand your post in the midst of battle. It means to hold your position while under attack. The idea is to stand against antagonistic forces. “Standing” is by no means an easy thing when we face attacks on every side. Think of the different attacks in a Christian life. Many things will conspire to draw you away from standing in Christ. The world, with its vanities on the one hand and its worries on the other, will assault you continually. Practically, think of the daily, tiny, continuously acting forces of daily life—duties, occupations, and various kinds of distractions—which tend to move us imperceptibly away, as if by the slow sliding of snow, from the hope of the Gospel. There is nothing so strong as a gentle pressure constantly applied, like waves, so gentle that they slowly change the shape of rocks and move big rocks and even mountains. It is far stronger than sudden assaults. The little things that are always at work upon us are the things that have the most power to sweep us away from our steadfastness in Jesus Christ.
The flesh also will operate to bring you into subjection to all its basest lusts. We read about confidence in fleshly religion and how subtle it is. In Philippians 3:3, if we are not rejoicing in Jesus Christ and worshiping God in spirit, we will slide unknowingly into a confidence in fleshly religion. There is in us a continual proneness to self-confidence and self-dependence. We are always ready to lean on our own understanding to guide us, our own righteousness to justify us, and our own strength to preserve us. It is a great matter to have the soul brought to a simple reliance upon the Lord Jesus Christ for everything. But we must live entirely by faith in Christ.
Think of the weakness of the flesh: the ups and downs of our own nature, the fluctuations of the fallen human heart, where faith seems to ebb and falter, and love dies down almost into cold ashes. How soon we lose patience and get angry, and get carried away by even the slightest wind. Oh, how unstable we are! One moment we are so joyful in the Lord, and the next we act in the flesh over the simplest things in life. While we shall always be liable to these fluctuations of feeling, it is possible for us to have, deep down below these, a central core of our personality in which unchanging continuity may abide. The depths of the ocean know nothing of the tides on the surface. There is constant stability. We can have steadfastness and immovableness in our inmost hearts, even though the surface may be ruffled. Do not allow your deepest heart to be disturbed. “Stand fast in the Lord.”
Nor will Satan be idle. He, with all his confederate hosts, will strive by innumerable wiles and temptations either to teach us wrong principles, poison us with legalism or antinomianism, or spoil our practice.
So you must expect all manner of conflicts. One goal of all these attacks in life is to stop you from standing fast in Christ. You must stand firm against all these forces. Determine in life that neither life’s joys nor sorrows, trials, fears, or situations must be allowed to separate you from standing in Christ. So the central command is to stand firm.
Manner and Strength
Manner: “Stand fast.” “In what way, Paul?” The little word “so” means “thus” or “in this way.” The NKJV has “so,” the NIV has “in this way” or “in this manner.” That unlocks everything. In the way that I’ve outlined for you in chapter 3, stand fast by trusting in Christ’s righteousness alone for your acceptance and for God’s love. Don’t add anything of your confidence in the flesh. Bask in the joy of justification. You are perfectly loved and accepted by God only because of Christ’s righteousness. Not because of your devotion or your own righteousness that comes from keeping the law, but because of Christ and what he did on the cross for you. Always exercise your faith and put your full weight on that. You will always experience joy no matter what your situation is. Stand firm in that. It is so very important to grasp, people, that justification is the fuel that drives the vehicle of sanctification. Naturally, we stray away from God so easily. We become estranged and don’t feel like coming back or feeling his closeness. What do I do? I offer a burnt offering, not for any particular sins, but as a sacrifice for the whole defilement and depravity of my being, and I feel God’s love and acceptance as perfectly righteous before God because of Christ’s work.
When standing fast in Him, you are tempted to say, “Well, if I have a perfect righteousness in Christ, I can boast and relax; it doesn’t matter how I live; I can sin.” No, I’ve told you, if you are so fully justified and adopted as children of God, you should pursue sanctification. You should pursue like me to know the power of his righteousness to overcome temptations and sins, to live a victorious Christian life. You should know the fellowship of his suffering so you may attain the righteousness of the dead. “I do not count myself to have laid hold. This one thing I do, forgetting the things that are behind, I press toward the mark of the prize of the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Follow me in the pursuit of perfection and Christlikeness. Grow in the surpassing knowledge of knowing Christ. I have told you, if you are citizens of heaven and if you have that hope that when he comes, he will transform your lowly body into his body of glory, then don’t live like people whose god is their belly. Seek the things that are above. “Oh, Philippians, stand fast in the Lord in this manner. Beware of dogs,” avoid any doctrine, any person, or any act that lessens your practical dependence upon Christ, weakens your desire to be like Christ, or darkens our hope of ultimate, total conformity to Christ.
Strength: “It is not easy, pastor. Steadfast consistency is my Christian life struggle for 20-30 years. I am so discouraged. One moment I am strong, and the next I keep drifting away.” Your problem is you have never practically learned that small phrase that brings all strength in the Christian life. Notice what Paul says: “Stand fast, not in your own strength, not in external religious tradition, but stand fast in the Lord.” Oh, what an important little phrase, “in the Lord,” in your union with Christ. Don’t be budged from the present, conscious, constant realization that you are in Christ, you are united to Christ, and you are perfectly righteous in him. The strength for this steadfastness comes from abiding in the Lord. The ground on which a person stands has a great deal to do with the firmness of his footing. You cannot stand fast on a beach where waves continuously drag the sand.
“In the Lord” is the character of every believer. He is united to Christ by faith and is grafted into him as a branch of the living vine. The main thought of it is that of continuous steadfastness in our union with Jesus Christ. It is only in proportion as we keep ourselves in union with Christ, in heart and mind, that we shall stand steadfast. The lightest substances may be made stable if they are glued onto something stable. You can stick a thin stick to a rock, and it will stand strong.
So it is only on the condition of our keeping ourselves in Jesus Christ that we are able to keep ourselves steadfast and to present a front of resistance that does not yield one foot, either to imperceptible continuous pressure, to sudden assaults, or to the fluctuations of our own changeable dispositions and temperaments.
“Stand fast” is Paul’s version of our blessed Lord’s beautiful words in John 15, “abide in me.” Our Lord warns us against the danger of separation from him. “You will bear much fruit only by this; without me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.” We can stand fast only in union with Christ. He has all the fullness of blessings treasured up in him for our use. “He is made of God unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption;” and from him we must receive them all.
Barnabas saw to the infantile church at Antioch. If you want to grow in grace, he had only one thing to say, a beautiful phrase. Acts 11:23 says that “with purpose of heart they should cleave to the Lord.” This is absolutely necessary for Christian growth.
Steadfast continuance of personal union with Jesus Christ, extending through all the faculties of our nature and into every corner of our lives, is the sum of Christian duty.
You have to stand fast in the Lord. Whatever temptations may come to us, whatever trials may beset us, whatever disappointments may crash in upon us, and whatever heresies may seek to plague us, if there is one word that is the distillation of all our biblical duty, here it is: “stand fast in the Lord.”
Two Applications
First application: Introspection from Paul’s care and love for the Philippian church. Do you see what a beautiful relationship there is between a pastor and a church? As I look at Paul again, I am so ashamed of my relationship with you as my church. Do I have this kind of relationship, this affection as “beloved and longed-for,” and this estimation that “you are my joy and crown”? To an extent, but it’s so far from his. That comparison challenges me and makes me feel deeply and want to change.
As a church, yes, there is so much grace among us, but we should never be satisfied. We have to grow so much more as a church. Can I ask you to look at the Philippian church and compare ourselves with it? Take it as a challenge, feel it deeply, and be encouraged to change.
I had an opportunity to preach at Pastor Kannan’s church last week. More than them learning from me, I think I learned a lot from that church. As a pastor, Pastor Kannan looks so simple and humble. His church attendance is large, over 600 people. I understand why God blessed his ministry. The man is completely down to earth, so loving and caring. As a pastor, he is so committed to the church, sleeping only four to five hours a day, serving the church 24/7 with joy. His family fully supports him. We enjoyed their hospitality. The church is so organized, with one person doing one thing and another person doing another. In a way, the whole church ministered to us and encouraged us. It was so beautiful and so warm. We felt a relationship, affection, and value among them. I felt like settling there; it left a longing to go back.
Yes, we are a growing church, but when we don’t see such churches, we just stay in our small, narrow box and think we are so great and have a big sacrificial ministry. I was challenged and encouraged, and I learned a lot of lessons.
Can I ask, when someone comes to our church, do they feel a relationship, affection, and value? I have to ask us all whether we know something about the love that Paul had for the people of God. We gather today as a group of people who are not a business, or a social club, or a political movement, but the Spirit-indwelt family of God. Do you know what makes a mature church? It’s not great preaching. It’s a church of zealous, friendly, humble, and thoughtful people. They can approach anyone without any hesitation, sit and talk with everyone. I am talking about those church members who know everyone and are interested in them; they greet all the members, young and old, and have time for everyone. They have that gift of making everyone they meet in the congregation feel loved. It’s a church that makes everyone feel they have a relationship, affection, and value here.
Oh, we are so far from that. You see, all this is because of pride and selfishness. We come here and only gather with groups we know and talk to people we know. We are so filled with our own plans, our own lives, and our own work that we have no time to serve others, including me. Do we realize our Lord warned that if we slight one of these little ones and cause a stumbling block, there will be a terrible punishment for them? We sin by ignoring, snubbing, or cold-shouldering them. These are our eternal brothers, the ones we are to love and long for, our joy and crown.
Do we realize that when the Bible gives the command “let us not love in word only, but in deeds and truth,” it is our duty to show our love in acts of service, by giving them time, by sacrifice, and by serving in whatever needs our brothers have? Frankly, I see very little of that in our church. Think about this year. What deeds of service have you done for other members in our church in the last year? What is your service to the body of Christ? Small things show how we can love. John says that if we say we love God whom we cannot see, and don’t love our brothers and sisters whom we see, we are liars.
Again, when the Bible says “let us not love in words only,” we think we should not show our love with words at all. That is wrong. It only says not to stop with that, but that we have to show love in words. That is what Paul is doing. Sad to say, we don’t even do that; we don’t speak a few good, loving words. See how Paul expresses his love in all kinds of words. Do we do that with one another? I don’t feel that love, at least in words, among us. When someone has done something good, they are worthy of such expressions as “beloved and longed-for.” How are they going to know they are loved and longed for unless you tell them?
As members, if I don’t express my love and appreciation, how will you know my love? How many of you encourage me, just with words? Very, very few. You may want to think, “Oh, if we appreciate his ministry too much, he may become proud.” That is absolute nonsense. When people appreciate me, I don’t go home proud as a peacock. It always humbles me to know how God uses my weak words to touch hearts, and it encourages me to do more and helps me to be faithful in the preaching of the word of God as long as I have breath. When no one appreciates and responds, not even a verbal “Thank you, pastor, for the message,” it brings great discouragement. Do you see the atrocity you do? Some churches have a practice of thanking the pastor by shaking hands after the service and saying, “Thank you for the message.” We should make that a rule here. Oh, how long! Come out of sinful timidity. Let us all learn from Paul how to show love even in words.
This verse tells us that as a church, we should seek to be a people who will be a joy and crown of victory to our pastors. As a church, you have a responsibility to become a loving church like the Philippian church, to be the kind of congregation that makes it easy for your leaders to love you and to long for you. See the Philippian model church; they obeyed and submitted to him. He can say in chapter four that “of all the churches, you alone had fellowship with me in the proclamation of the gospel from the first.” He calls them “joy and crown, longed for.” Paul could never say these words to the Corinthian church; they brought grief. They were unappreciative, ungrateful, and even questioned his apostleship.
Showing love in words is so important. Isn’t this a problem in families, not expressing love in words? A wife does so much work in the house, and some even go out and earn. These are so many admirable things. Husbands work so hard to provide for the family. So many good things. But when you talk separately to the wife, asking why there’s a problem in the house, the wife yearns with tears that her main problem is that her husband would just respect her and show his affection with some kind words. He never speaks kindly, always using rude words and impatience. The husband would say, “Don’t I prove my love by working hard, being faithful, and providing for the family?” Yes, they respect all that, but there’s a need that only words can meet. And she wants to hear the words, “Dear, I love you. I have affection and I value you in my life. The reason I work so hard is that I want to provide for your needs. I want you to know the thing that keeps me going is my love for you.” Isn’t that right, ladies? It’s not enough that your husband gives dutiful, sacramental deeds. Don’t you long for appropriate words of love? Men, ladies yearn for that. We should respect them, show our love, notice their dress, appreciate them, and value them. Or are you made differently, you ladies? Amens from the ladies?
In some cases, the opposite is true. The wife never says anything good about her husband, always talking about his faults. He yearns for her appreciation and value, and the same is true with kids. When there’s no relationship, no affection, and no value, 50% of problems in marriages would be solved if we learned to verbalize our love.
The second application is the command: “Stand firm.” We will study this more. I am very concerned that our church is unstable, unpredictable, and has poor commitment. It is not a church that grows steadily and firmly. It is always trying to patch itself up, to fix itself, and to solve its almost inestimable number of problems.
We have excuses: “We have reasons, responsibilities, and family problems.” We don’t realize we have to live a committed, steadfast Christian life in the midst of all this. There will be attacks from the world, the flesh, Satan, false teaching, problems in marriages and in our families, struggles, and dilemmas. We are always under assault.
We have to stand fast. It means to hold your position while under attack. Stand firmly no matter what comes. You don’t crumble under persecution and troubles. You don’t crumble under testing and complain. You don’t crumble under temptation and sin. You stand firm, spiritually stable.
May I remind you again that this is a command? And may I remind you that we have somehow softened our view of God so that commands don’t seem like commands anymore? This is a command from the living God through His Holy Spirit by means of the apostle Paul. God says, “I want you to stand firm.” This is a command. It grieves my heart that we don’t take commands seriously.
Can we somehow re-grip the reality that our sovereign God is commanding us in the imperative of verse 1 to stand firm? And in the command is the inherent capability to obey the command, which, of course, is supplied by God’s Spirit, who is able to make us stand. This is a command. And all I want to do this morning is plant that command in your mind. It comes from God. He demands it. It comes from our holy, almighty, sovereign, and glorious God.
“Stand firm.” The answer is not to try to do something, but to get a firmer grip on the life of Jesus Christ, who is intent on doing it in us. This is so important. The entire New Testament emphasizes this. Our Lord warned about instability repeatedly and was concerned about stability. Peter, John, and James all talk about the importance of stability. So, in the next few verses, Paul is going to teach us practical principles on how to be spiritually stable.
For those of you who have not come to Christ, Paul calls believers in Christ “my beloved and longed-for brethren, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, beloved.”
If Paul had to call you unbelievers, it would be the opposite: not “my beloved” but “my enemies,” not “longed-for brethren” but “most hated people,” not “my joy and crown” but “most cursed people.” You can never stand firm; you are slipping into hell. In your present state, one slip and you will fall into eternal hell. May God make you realize your natural state and make you believe in Lord Jesus Christ.
Grace Reformed Baptist Church, Bangalore 