In one cemetery, a large headstone has a single word stretched across it: “Forgiven.” It doesn’t have a name, birth or death dates, or a relationship title like “beloved mother” or “son.” The person buried there wanted it known that because they were forgiven, they could die in peace. To them, that was the only important thing in life.
The greatest display of grace in God is in the pardon of sins, and a person who is growing in God’s grace can be seen by how they forgive and forget an injury others have done to them. After looking at the first three petitions of the Lord’s Prayer, which focus on God’s glory, we are now looking at the second table of petitions, which focus on human needs. The first is for bread, which covers all physical needs. Now, the first spiritual need is forgiveness. This is where you will find the cause for all your mental troubles in life. Why are you not happy and peaceful? It is either because you are not saved and have not experienced the judge’s forgiveness, or you are saved and forgiven, but are not experiencing the Father’s forgiveness.
There are two types of forgiveness: one is positional and legal, and the other is practical and experiential. Both are important, but for daily Christian life, the experiential one is more important. The saddest state for a Christian is to be saved and forgiven but not experiencing the joy of forgiveness and salvation. It is like a person who has 500 crores in his bank account but doesn’t know it and is struggling to buy a meal every day, starving and about to die. How sad. Many Christians are in a sad state, saved but without the assurance or joy of salvation. It is God’s great burden that such children repeatedly try to be corrected and chastised. How does a Christian get joy through the Father’s forgiveness? I said there are two conditions: first, you have to spend time alone with God regularly, examining, repenting, and confessing your sins before him. If you are doing that, the next reason you may not have joy is that you are carrying a grudge, irritation, or anger against someone and have not forgiven their debts.
This is a very important and vast subject. We have not studied it much before, so we have spent three weeks on it, and I want to spend this week studying it as well. This will be the last week. I want to quickly show you many things this week, and we will move to the next petition next week. The Word of God warns us in many places about the dangers of unforgiveness and bitterness.
Hebrews 12:14-16 says, “Lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” Live in peace, for only then can you live holy. Without holiness, no one can see God. Be careful that you don’t lose the grace of God by allowing a bitter root to grow; it will cause great trouble and defile everyone. Bitterness is self-induced misery, and it produces a chain of sinning.
Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor (quarreling), and evil speaking be put away from you.” If we allow bitterness in our hearts, we become slaves to it; it will make that person reject even the truth. The truth will not work in their hearts. A bitter person rejects Bible teaching. James 3:14 says, “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be arrogant, and lie against the truth.” Be humbled, as you have lost God’s grace. Don’t justify that; that is not maturity or growth. We may justify our bitterness and lie against the truth. It will not allow truth to change our hearts.
Bitterness motivates people to murmur and complain (Job 7:11, 10:1). People who habitually complain reveal they have bitterness in their heart, which does not allow them to progress. Bitterness motivates gossip (Psalm 64:3).
The cause for all mental troubles is unforgiveness. I read some articles from the medical field on how much they stress forgiveness. In medical books, unforgiveness is a mental disease. They see it as the root for many diseases. Unforgiveness upsets the chemical balance in our bodies and can lead to sickness and disease. Unforgiveness can also prevent us from getting better. Bitter people with negative emotions affect many parts of our body and lead to many problems, such as hormonal imbalance. Unexpressed emotions can be more dangerous and cause constant depression; they make a person always sad. Common health issues associated with depression that can directly impact mental health are anxiety, short-temperament, and sleeplessness. Moreover, a person suffering from unforgiveness depression cannot trust other people to share their feelings, is always suspicious, and cannot control their emotions. Unforgiving people cannot interact with others freely and openly. This creates chronic stress on the brain, leading to tension and a “hot head,” which can lead to a brain hemorrhage (where a blood vessel breaks and bleeds into the brain tissue, killing some brain cells). The symptoms are regular headaches, weakness, seizures, stroke, loss of balance, vision, concentration, and difficulty speaking. Not just the mind, but this leads to high blood pressure, cardiomegaly (heart enlargement), stomach burning, pain, colitis, and ulcers.
According to Dr. Steven Standiford, chief of surgery at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, “Refusing to forgive makes people sick.” Of all cancer patients, 61 percent have forgiveness issues. “Harboring these negative emotions—this anger and hatred—creates a state of chronic anxiety,” he said. “Chronic anxiety very predictably produces excess adrenaline and cortisol, which deplete the production of natural killer cells, which are your body’s foot soldiers in the fight against cancer.” Anxiety reduces them. It is proven without a doubt that unforgiveness is a slow poison that reduces a person’s health and lifespan.
So what do we do? As people without faith, their remedy is that no matter what your situation, hurt, age, and stage, the only medicine is to learn to forgive from the heart. It may be a small fight with your spouse or a long-held resentment toward a family member or friend. Unresolved conflict can go deeper than you may realize—it is affecting your physical health. The good news: Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of brain damage and heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. Research points to an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age. Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease, and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health. How wise our God is! Did we know forgiveness was so important for our health? In this great prayer, after our physical need, he knows our greatest need is forgiveness.
How to forgive: Empathize with the other person. Think about how they grew up and what their situation is. For instance, if your spouse grew up in an angry or moody family, understanding their situation might help you to empathize.
Forgive deeply from the heart. Simply forgiving someone because you think you have no other alternative or because you think your religion requires it may be enough to bring some healing. But one study found that people whose forgiveness came in part from understanding that no one is perfect were able to resume a normal relationship with the other person, even if that person never apologized. Those who only forgave in an effort to salvage the relationship and did it superficially wound up with a worse relationship.
That is how the medical world sees the importance of forgiveness, but as forgiven sinners, we have great reasons to freely forgive others’ wrongs. The fifth petition in this prayer says that if we hold fast to an unforgiving spirit, we will not be forgiven by God. We have seen the great importance of having parental forgiveness to live with assurance and joy of salvation. There are only two reasons for a lack of joy in a Christian life: we sin and do not repent and confess, or we have some bitterness and unforgiveness against someone else. They are closely interconnected. When you acknowledge your sin as it exists and confess it by name on a constant basis, you will be constantly reminded of what a sinner you are and how constant his forgiveness is. In the midst of that reminder, you will be more prone to forgive others. But as you fail to acknowledge your own sin, as you cover it up and do not deal with it, you will not only lose your intimacy, joy, and the fullness of usefulness, but you will find yourself becoming unforgiving to others. A repentant heart toward God, when directed toward people, produces a forgiving heart. Our continuous possession and conscious enjoyment of God’s forgiveness will be contingent on our forgivingness.
The petition also shows in the word “as” that the forgiveness we offer to others is the same measure the Lord offers us. The way we deal with others is the way the Lord deals with us. Luke 6 says, “Whatever measure you mete it out, that’s exactly how God will mete it out to you.” What a sobering truth! Maybe the lack of progress in your spiritual life is because you are holding a bitter resentment or a grudge against someone.
This is shown repeatedly in the Sermon on the Mount. Matthew 5:7 says, “Blessed are the merciful,” for they shall “obtain mercy.” In other words, if you want to receive mercy from God, then you must be merciful. It’s a principle of spiritual life. People in Christ’s kingdom are merciful. They will bear the insults of evil people, and their hearts will reach out in compassion. You want mercy; you give mercy. James 2:13 says, “For he shall have judgment without mercy, that has shown no mercy.” See another one: unforgiveness will send you to hell. Matthew chapter 5, verse 21: “You have heard that it was said by them of old, ‘You shall not kill, and whoever shall kill shall be in danger of judgment.'” But Jesus says, “Whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of judgment.” First, the anger is not even expressed outside; it is anger inside because of not forgiving. Next, anger fills the heart and comes out of the mouth and says, “You brainless, stupid idiot.” The final state is when in anger you curse and say, “You fool,” you have stepped into a very dangerous category: hell. Your unforgiveness will take you to hell.
Not just that, it will affect your relationship with God. The greatest expression of that relationship is how you worship God. God doesn’t accept your worship and give you his grace, joy, and presence if you come with anger against someone. Matthew 5:23 says, “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift, go your way, and be reconciled to your brother. Then come and offer your gift, and agree with your adversary quickly.” The point is the same. Now, some of you came to worship the Lord this morning but you can’t do it. You can’t offer God worship because he won’t accept it. You’ve said, “Lord, I want you to know I praise you. And Lord, I want you to clean me up today; bless me with your word, speak to me, give me your grace and presence.” But you’re going to go away just as you came because you are unforgiving in some situations. Therefore, you forfeit true worship. You put yourself in a chastening position. The Lord will really unload his chastening if you’re not merciful to others.
Today, we will see some things on how many times to forgive and how to forgive; when can we say we are forgiving people? We might say, “Okay, Pastor, you are saying so much. I will change and forgive. Now, tell me how many times should I forgive them? They keep doing it again and again. Should I forgive three times and then have the right to get angry and hit them?” Interestingly, like us, Peter, after hearing about this forgiveness, always had the habit of asking questions. Now he had to learn that forgiveness is the key to enjoying the joy of salvation. He asks the same question. See Matthew 18:21. Peter asks the question in verse 21, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
Matthew chapter 18, verse 21. The whole text prior to this, by the way, down to verse 15, deals with a brother sinning in the church and forgiveness. And so Peter, in response to what the Lord has said about the sinning brother in the church and all, Peter says, “Well, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?” Now, the rabbis taught three times. Peter thought he was being magnanimous by suggesting seven times. Shall we double the rabbinic tradition plus one? Jesus said to him, “I say not to you until seven times, but seventy times seven.” Indefinitely, infinitely, unendingly. Why? For we are to forgive as God, for Christ’s sake, has forgiven us. And how has he forgiven us? 490 times? We had better hope not. Because if you hit 491 before you die, you’re in real trouble. He forgives us indefinitely. That’s what our Lord is saying.
To illustrate this, he then tells the parable about the king who forgave his servant a debt. This guy was the worst. Ten thousand talents is so much money that it is very hard for us to conceive. Ten thousand talents contained almost twelve tons of gold. This was an emblem of God’s forgiving great, innumerable sins. How could a servant ever owe that much? He probably stole the crown jewels, pawned them, and lost it all on a bad investment. Somehow, he was pilfering from the king’s treasury. To become indebted to that point is absolutely inconceivable at that time in the history of the world. That many crores in those days would be beyond anybody’s capacity to even understand. The guy has been robbing the king systematically.
So, verse 25 says, “He had nothing to pay.” He’s blown it all, the whole deal. If you think it’s inconceivable how he got it, imagine how he got rid of it. What a foolish person. You say, the guy is not only crooked, he’s stupid. It’s one thing to steal it; that’s being crooked, but it’s awful stupid to lose it all. Much more than Mallya’s debt. So, he had to liquidate the only assets he had, and all he had were his wife and kids. So in verse 25, he said, “Well, sell them off as slaves and make a little money.” That would be about all he’d get. Look at verse 26: “The servant therefore fell down and worshipped him, saying, ‘Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.'” Oh, that’s really stupid. What do you mean? The guy, he’s dumb every way you cut him. And you know your reaction normally would be, you’d be infuriated. So foolish, took so much, lost all, and now you will pay back? Most foolish mental state for this fellow, no intelligence. And look, the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. Now that is amazing. What grace! Guess who this king represents? God. Guess who the servant is? All of us. We are so foolish. Did we owe a debt we couldn’t pay? What a debt we all owed! I tried to explain in the first sermon, what a debt! The worst debt, not to a person, company, or government, but to an infinite majesty. We have debt upon debt. Interest upon interest. The due date is over, and it became compound interest. The more we live every day, the more we sin against our creator and provider and add to the debt book of our life. We may as well reckon all the drops in the sea as reckon all our spiritual debts. Every vain thought is a sin. The first rising of corruption, though it never blossoms into an outward act, is a sin. So, “who can understand his errors?” We do not know how much we owe to God. Our sins are more than the drops of the sea—they exceed all arithmetic count. All our lives we could give everything we have to him, sacrifice our wealth, job, sell our wife and children, and work like an animal day and night, and we could not clear the debt. How much we owe God! Do we have any sense of that? It is an inexcusable debt; no one can pay it, except for each of us eternally in hell, and even then, it will not be complete. What a debt we owe God. He forgave all of them. And he forgave. Why? He was compassionate. You say, “Oh, how could anybody forgive anything as astronomical as that?”
This person who has experienced such forgiveness, with what sense of gratitude and forgiveness he must live all his life! This should be his life’s joy and song. But like we saw last week, one who forgets this is blind and has narrowed eyes. Verse 28 says he went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. Do you know how much that was? Very little money, maybe 100 rupees. Peanuts. Nothing. The servant who had just been forgiven for the many crores, went out and found a guy who owed him 100 rupees. And he grabs him by the neck, it says, takes him by the throat and says, “Pay me what you owe me.” And the fellow servant fell down on his feet and begged him, saying, “Have patience with me and I will pay thee all.” And he could have. But he would not. He cast him into prison until he should pay the debt. Now, he couldn’t pay the debt while he was in prison because he couldn’t work while he was there, but that shows you the evil of the man’s heart. So, when the fellow servants saw what was done, they were sorry, and they came and told their lord all that was done. The rest of the servants went and reported back to the king what this guy had done. Then his lord, after he had called him, said to him, “O you wicked servant. I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should not you also have had compassion on your fellow servant, even as I had pity on you?” And his lord was angry, and delivered him to the tormentors until he could pay all that was due to him. “So, likewise shall My heavenly Father do also to you if you from your heart forgive not everyone his brother his trespasses.”
That’s the picture, people, that’s the picture of somebody who wants to take all the forgiveness God can give but isn’t willing to give it to somebody else. Do you see yourself there? Do you hold grudges? Oh, have you so soon forgotten? Are you so ill-memoried that you can’t remember the mercy that you have received? “7 times,” Peter said. This was the utmost limit for a disciple! But Jesus, putting a definite for an indefinite number, “says to him, ‘I say not to you until seven times, but until seventy times seven.'” Such are the forgivenesses of our God! How often, my reader, has your God forgiven you? Suppose he had dealt with you as you in your heart have dealt with your brother, or, perhaps, in reality are dealing with him now—limiting his forgiveness of sin to seven offenses—perhaps to one! Where and what would you now be? But, countless as the sands that belt the ocean have your sins against God been! And yet, the ocean of his love has again and again tided over them all, and still it flows, day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Where your sins have multiplied, exceeded, and abounded—his rich, free, pardoning grace has much more abounded. Oh, if your Lord should deal with you as you now may be dealing with a fellow-servant—and why may he not?—you would be cast into prison and by no means come out until you had paid the uttermost farthing.
The point of Matthew 6:15 and 18:35 is that if we hold fast to an unforgiving spirit, we will be handed over to the tormentors. We will lose heaven and gain hell. The reason is not because we can earn heaven or merit heaven by forgiving others, but because holding fast to an unforgiving spirit proves that we do not trust Christ.
When we believed in the Lord Jesus, we stand before God as people whose debt has been forgiven. Passing out of God’s court of justice, released from a debt of “ten thousand talents,” all the wrongs people do against us in our life after salvation are like “a hundred pence.” If, as a pardoned sinner whose transgressions against Jehovah are fully and eternally forgiven, the great debt is wholly canceled, my duty to my fellow-sinner is written as if on a stone. Instead of grasping him by the throat, exclaiming, “Pay me what you owe me!” I am to deal with him as my Lord has dealt with me—fully releasing him from the claim. Forgiven, I am to forgive. This is Christian logic, Christian precept, and it is Christianity itself. Such is the spirit of the petition we now consider.
God’s will is for us to grow to the highest level in the grace of forgiveness. When and where will we learn and grow this great grace? In heaven, we don’t have to forgive anyone; all will be perfect. Look around your world. There are innumerable opportunities to grow in this grace. What do our world, family, church, and society need? Obviously, there exists a great and wide necessity for the grace of forgiveness. Not only now but in the present admixture of the good and evil world, the imperfect, lack-filled state of the church, the totally unrenewed in unbelievers, and partially unrenewed in believers presents a wide field for the exercise of this divine grace. In families, social life, the church, among fellow-Christians, friends, relatives, and neighbors—these sad sins between person and person are constantly occurring; misunderstandings arise that easily provoke us to anger, offenses are given, injuries are inflicted, breaches are made, and friendships are forfeited, demanding a perpetual recurrence to the grace, “Forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us.”
What perpetual sweetness, what undimmed sunshine would there be in many a domestic home, in many a social circle, in many a Christian community, if there is forgiveness! To cite but one illustration of this, the family circle. How many families are there which, like a sweet apple, have a worm feeding and fattening at its core! How glorious is God’s plan for the family—the sweetest, earthly heaven! Where love, the sweetest sympathy, and fullness should be, we often find bitterness, broken bonds, no affections, divisions, and even anger, unsympathetic manners, and living in secret irritation of mind. Surely, in such a sphere, the Christian grace of forgiveness finds its proper and its noblest exercise!
How to Forgive
God’s forgiveness of us is to be the rule for our forgiveness of others. That is our model to guide us in this Christian duty. As Paul said in Ephesians 4:32, “Forgive each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” How, then, does God forgive?
This requires a supernatural work within us. Only God can forgive like that, and only those who know Him and walk closely with Him can do the same. To forgive the way God forgives requires us to get closer to Him than we may be used to! We must have His heart and mind in us.
God forgives us IMMEDIATELY, so we ought to forgive those who have trespassed against us. “You are a God ready to forgive.” Is there any hindrance, objection, or hesitation on God’s part in forgiving the sins of a contrite sinner? None whatsoever! Listen to the language of David, already quoted, “I said I will confess my transgressions to the Lord; and You forgave.” Not a moment’s hesitation! The royal penitent had no sooner acknowledged his sin than the sin-forgiving God pardoned it. Moses prayed, “Pardon, I beseech you, the iniquity of this people.” “And the Lord said, I have pardoned.” It was as if God had anticipated His servant’s request. To cite once more the case of David: in the matter of Uriah the Hittite, how did God deal with him? By the same messenger who told him of his sin, God sent the message of His forgiveness. “And David said to Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. And Nathan said to David, The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die.” Not a moment’s agonizing suspense intervened between the indictment and the pardon.
And shall we not deal thus with our fellow-men? Shall we hesitate and debate the question of forgiveness in our minds, and then go to God and ask Him to forgive us as we forgive others? Hesitate to forgive a brother, and then, if you can, ask God to pardon you in the same way.
God forgives FULLY, so we must forgive our fellows. A partial forgiveness of sin would be no real forgiveness to us. If all but one of our ten thousand talents were paid, and that one were left for us to pay, we would be forever exiled from the land of the blessed. All the demands of God’s law must be met, and the full penalty of justice must be endured either by ourselves or by our Surety, if we are ever to be saved. In our utter inability to meet these claims, the Lord Jesus, on behalf of His Church, has “by one offering perfected forever those who are sanctified.” On the cross, the Son of God paid in full and said it was finished. Nothing stands between the greatest sinner and his full and eternal salvation.
Our forgiveness must be like God’s: full, complete, and unreserved. How can we go to the throne of grace and pray, “Forgive me my sins as I forgive those who have sinned against me,” while we have refused an offending brother or sister a full, frank, and honest forgiveness? The offense must be entirely forgiven, the debt wholly canceled, if we would deal with our fellow-servant as his Master and ours has dealt with us.
God’s forgiveness of us is a HEARTY forgiveness, so must ours be: sincere, cordial, and hearty. Oh, there is no coldness, nothing begrudged, in God’s pardon of our sins. It is, as I have said, with all His heart. And remember that the heart of God is infinite! What, then, must be the sincerity, the love, and the cordiality with which our heavenly Father has forgiven us all sin! Let this wholeheartedness be seen in the forgiveness we extend to a sinning brother. Let him see that our hand is not outstretched reluctantly, only halfway, but that, with our heart in our hand, we extend to him a forgiveness like the one God has extended to us—the forgiveness of the heart!
God FORGETS, as well as forgives, our sins. So entirely are the sins of His people erased that, speaking in human terms, God says, “I will remember them no more forever.” And again He says, “I have blotted out your transgressions as a cloud, and your iniquities as a thick cloud.” They are blotted from the book of His justice, and of His law, and of His remembrance. How like our God is this—magnificent, stupendous, divine! Can God forget? He cannot. And yet, so entirely has He canceled our debt, and at such an infinite distance has He cast our transgressions, that they are to Him as things out of mind, buried in the fathomless depths of Divine oblivion.
Alas, that it should be! “I can forgive, but I cannot forget,” is too frequently the haughty and sullen language of an offended brother. But what does this simmering of the offense in the heart, this hoarding of the injury in the mind, reveal? It shows that although you have outwardly forgiven the wrong, you have secretly preserved its memory! Is this like God? Will you in this spirit go to the mercy seat and ask God to forgive you as you forgive others? No, you dare not. All the while that your mind broods over the wrong done to you by a fellow-sinner, you are harboring “hatred, malice, and all uncharitableness.” With this leaven of evil fermenting in your heart, with this fretting leprosy of sin tainting your prayers in the closet, at the domestic altar, and in the public sanctuary, you daily pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Oh, be like God: generous and magnanimous, forgiving and forgetting. God grant that in this matter these terrible words may never vibrate on our ear: “O you wicked servant, I forgave you all that great debt, because you desired me; should you not then have had compassion on your fellow-servant, even as I had pity on you?” Look at this question in the tender light of the cross; look at it in the solemn light of eternity—and then act!
When Can We Say We Are Forgiving Others?
Answer: We forgive when others offend, hurt, or insult us. We do so internally when we strive against all thoughts of bitterness and revenge; when we will not do our enemies mischief, but wish them well, grieve at their calamities, pray for them, seek reconciliation with them, and show ourselves ready on all occasions to relieve them. (Thomas Watson, Body of Divinity, p. 581)
I think this is a very biblical definition of forgiveness. Each of its parts comes from a passage of Scripture.
- Resist thoughts of revenge: Romans 12:19, “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
- Don’t seek to do them mischief: 1 Thessalonians 5:15, “See that no one repays another with evil for evil.”
- Wish well to them: Luke 6:28, “Bless those who curse you.”
- Grieve at their calamities: Proverbs 24:17, “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles.”
- Pray for them: Matthew 5:44, “But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.”
- Seek reconciliation with them: Romans 12:18, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”
- Be always willing to come to their relief: Exodus 23:4, “If you meet your enemy’s ox or his donkey wandering away, you shall surely return it to him.”
Here is forgiveness: when you feel that someone is your enemy or when you simply feel that you or someone you care about has been wronged, forgiveness means resisting bitterness and revenge, not returning evil for evil, wishing them well, grieving at their calamities, praying for their welfare, seeking reconciliation as far as it depends on you, and coming to their aid in distress.
All these point to a forgiving heart. And the heart is all important. Jesus said in Matthew 18:35, “Unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
What Forgiveness Is Not
But now notice what is not in this definition. Notice what forgiveness is not.
- Not the Absence of Anger at Sin Forgiveness is not the absence of anger at sin. It is not feeling good about what was bad. Anger against sin and its horrible consequences is fitting up to a point. But you don’t need to hold on to that in a vindictive way that desires harm for others. You can hand it over to him who judges justly (1 Peter 2:23) again and again, and pray for the transformation of others. Forgiveness is not feeling good about horrible things.
- Not the Absence of Serious Consequences for Sin Forgiveness is not the absence of serious consequences for sin. If someone kills your friend, sending that person to jail does not mean you are unforgiving to him. They may have to face the legal consequences.Question: Is God angry with His pardoned ones? Answer: Though a child of God, after being pardoned, may incur His fatherly displeasure, yet His judicial wrath is removed. Though He may use the rod, He has taken away the curse. Correction may befall the saints, but not destruction. (Thomas Watson, Body of Divinity, p. 556).
This gives us a pointer to how we may at times have to discipline a child in the home, church members, or a criminal in society. We may prescribe painful consequences in each case and not have an unforgiving spirit.
Also, forgiveness doesn’t mean there is no pain or that we don’t feel hurt when others wrong us. The “debts” we see here are offenses, injuries, and wrongs inflicted by man upon man, by brother against brother, which are so prevalent in our world. God wisely and graciously allows this to happen to believers for their growth in the grace of forgiveness.
I realize what pain, what deep, lasting injury, may be inflicted by an unkind word, an unkind look, an unkind action; an unjust suspicion, a malicious and false report; or by evil-speaking. Do not think that this exercise of forgiveness assumes an insensitivity to injury. Jesus was never so sensitive to the injustice and the wrong done to Him by man than when impaled upon the tree for man, He prayed, “Father, forgive them!” “It is the glory of a man to pass over a transgression” (Proverbs 19:11).
It requires great grace to practice this, great growth in grace. One said, “It requires more grace to forgive an injury than it does to suffer martyrdom.” A man requires less grace to endure the hardest toil, to carry the heaviest cross, and to submit to the severest suffering, than to hold out his hand to an offending brother and say, “I freely and fully forgive.” The greatest display of grace in God is in the pardon of sin; the greatest exercise of grace in man is to forgive and forget an injury.
Applications
- The fact that we are forgiven and saved by God can be greatly denied by having an unforgiving spirit towards man. Upon no scriptural warrant whatever can we claim a filial relation to God or offer valid evidence that we are partakers of divine grace while under the influence of a lack of forgiveness. We may imagine we are pardoned, speak of our spiritual raptures, and boast of our Christian experience. We may frequent the Lord’s table and respond loudly to the Lord’s Prayer, but all the while we are deceived by our own hearts and are passing to eternity with a lie in our right hand. We have asked God in solemn prayer to be forgiven as we forgive. What if He should take us at our word? “You wicked and unmerciful servant, I will!” might justly be His indignant and withering reply.
Our Lord enforced no Christian precept with greater detail and solemnity than that of forgiving other’s debts. After the Lord’s Prayer, this one alone He emphasizes again. Thus He speaks concerning this duty: “If you forgive men their sins, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their sins, neither will your Father forgive your sins.” “Forgive, and you shall be forgiven.”
So how do I deal with the bitterness in my heart? If I have a grudge like this with somebody, how do I take care of it?
Two things. Number one: take it to God as a sin. That’s where it starts. Take it to God as a sin. “Lord, there is this person, and this is the way I feel, and it’s a sin, and I admit it, and I’m sorry, and I acknowledge it, and I repent of it, and I forsake it.” That’s where you start.
Step two: go to the person. Tough, huh? Well, I’m only telling you this so you can know spiritual joy. You make the decision about what you want to forfeit to harbor your judgment and your grudge. Second, go to the person. You say, “I want to seek your forgiveness. I am sorry. Our relationship is not what it ought to be for whatever reason.”
But be honest! Look at the matter, however distasteful and painful it may be, fairly and fully in the face. Has any relative, Christian brother, or sister offended, injured, or wounded you? Have you been evil-spoken of? Has unkind defamation rested upon you? Have you been unjustly suspected, wrongfully accused, coldly slighted, or cruelly slandered? Are there any with whom you are not on good and friendly terms? Do you meet in society, pass each other in the street, worship in the same sanctuary, and approach the same sacred table of the Lord’s Supper without friendly recognition or Christian communion? In a word, are you associating, worshiping, and even assembling at the Holy Communion as total strangers? Yes, and what is infinitely more offensive to God, are you meeting as bitter and unreconciled enemies! What a scandal to Christianity! What a dishonor to Christ! What a lamentable spectacle to the eyes of the world!
But this lamentable state of things need not and must not continue. In His name who, when we were sinners, loved us; who, when we were enemies, died for us; who, when we were rebels, overcame our evil by His grace, truth, and love—I beseech you, before the sun goes down upon your wrath, seek out the brother or the sister whom you have offended, or who has offended you, and hold out your hand of reconciliation. If he is in the wrong, do not wait for his acknowledgment—God did not wait for you!—but make the first advance. And if that advance is repelled, make it again and yet again, for in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head, which may melt down his proud, unrelenting spirit into contrition, forgiveness, and love.
Or if you are in the wrong, go at once and honestly and frankly acknowledge the wrong, and seek the forgiveness and reconciliation of the brother you have injured. Having done this, then bend together, the offended and the offender, before the mercy-seat, and together pray, “Father, forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” Happy reconciliation! Blissful moment! How many a heart thrills with joy, how many a home is radiant as with a newly created sun at the touching spectacle. The alienation of years is reconciled. Misunderstandings are explained, differences are adjusted, acknowledgments are interchanged; relatives long estranged, families long divided, friends long alienated meet once more beneath the same roof, within the same sanctuary, and around the same sacramental table. Joy pulsates through every heart, and music, like a whisper from the celestial choir, breathes from every soul.
Brothers living in unity, love, and forgiveness—it is heaven on earth. What a church this is! It is my prayer and burden for this church.
Brothers listening, it may be in your power to create a scene like this! By the pardoning mercy of God towards you, by the redeeming love of Him who died for you, by the peace-giving Holy Spirit who dwells in you, I beseech you, I implore you, yes, in the name of Christ I command you, forgive one another.
But God the Holy Spirit, the Author of peace, pleads with us. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor (quarreling), and evil speech be put away from you. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
Whenever anyone may have sought to injure your good name, to lower your influence, to impair your usefulness—willfully, wickedly, and slanderously—imitate Jesus, and do not return evil for evil. When reviled, do not revile again. Do not take revenge yourself, but commit the matter to God, and by a silent spirit and a holy life, live down the venomous slander. Your good may be evil spoken of, and your evil may be magnified and exaggerated; nevertheless, by a meek and quiet spirit, by a consistent walk, and by well-doing, you may put to silence the strife of lying tongues and the ignorance of foolish men, and thus glorify your Father who is in heaven.
“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:19-21)
Grace Reformed Baptist Church, Bangalore 