Grace Reformed Baptist Church, Bangalore

In our world, everyone is fighting for their rights: labor rights, women’s rights, minority rights, and even animal rights. Rights are so important. It’s “my right,” “my due.” People should listen to what I say, and nobody should mess with me, or I’ll show them who I am. People will do anything to get their rights.

Abraham Lincoln became the U.S. president. Before that, he was a lawyer. A wealthy man asked him to take a case against a poor man who owed him $2.50. At first, Lincoln hesitated to take the case, but the wealthy man said, “No, no, I want my rights!” So Lincoln agreed, but on one condition: the wealthy man had to pay him a fee of $10 cash up front. The man quickly agreed and handed over the money. Lincoln went to the poor man and offered him $5 if he would settle the debt. So Lincoln got $5 for himself; the poor man made $2.50; and the rich man got his rights of a $2.50 debt settled at a cost of $10. But he got his rights!

At work, at home, and in the church, all conflicts arise because we assume we have rights and we fight for those rights. We think people should respect us, care for us, and listen to us immediately. If not, it’s unbearable. We’re quick to react when we feel that we’ve been treated unfairly. When someone wrongs us, we defend ourselves and want to announce to the world how we were mistreated. People go from job to job, from marriage to marriage, or from church to church because others did not respect their personal rights and wronged them. We live in a world that fights for rights. Against all that, Paul, through the Holy Spirit, will teach us a Christian trait. Though simple, it is a revolutionary idea, and if we grasp it by the Holy Spirit, it can change our lives.

Verse 5: “Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.”

We will try to understand this verse with three practical questions: What, Why, and How.

What Does Gentleness Mean?

In the meaning, you see there is a command and a scope for that command. If you start searching for the meaning, you will be surprised that every Bible translation has a different word for this. “Gentleness” (NIV, NKJV), “forbearance” (NASB), “moderation” (KJV), “magnanimity” (NEB, New English Bible), and “unselfishness” (Amplified) are all used. So I also contributed one word for a modern translation: “Stay calm always, be gentle.” Don’t you love that? Staying calm in all situations. Now, why can’t the translators agree on how to translate this word? For the simple reason that it’s one of those words that is bigger than any English equivalent. When I translated the 1689 Confession into Telugu with Pastor Rudrapaul, I faced this problem. English talks about an idea, and in Telugu, you think you have one best word, but then you realize it only conveys 50% of the idea; for the other 50%, you may need two or three words. This is a problem all translators face, struggling to find a one-word equivalent in another language. So the reason every translation has a different word is that this is an almost untranslatable Greek term. It means more than any one English word can capture.

So how do we understand the word? In this situation, I think the best way to get a basic understanding of the word is to see how it is used in other contexts of the Bible. Let’s see one place just to get a basic idea to start. In 1 Timothy 3:3, we read about the requirement for an elder: he is not to be quarrelsome or a “striker.” Here is our word, but with the meaning “gentle.” Now you get the picture? The opposite of a person who is not quarrelsome, always fighting, who loves a fight, and who has a short temper. A person who is so filled with selfish pride that he has no place for patience, tolerance, or calmness. His heart immediately wells up with anger, and then he cannot control his mouth, always speaking angry words, and often cannot control his hands and legs, starting to hit or kick others. He’s a striker. Now, the opposite of that is gentleness. When someone does him wrong, irritates him, or steps on his rights—a situation that could easily develop into a fight—he has such a magnanimous heart that he can take it without losing his calmness. He is not quarrelsome or a striker. True biblical manliness is not bursting into anger and punching someone in the nose, even though the other person did something to be punched. It takes ten times more strength to control anger than to enter into a fight. It often takes far more grace to bite your lip and not open your mouth than to let your mouth express the bitterness in your heart through words. Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who conquers a city.” You get the picture. That is the basic idea. He is gentle.

But when the apostle says you have to be gentle, it includes many things, as seen in the ways people translate it. Some translate it as “forbearance,” “moderation,” “magnanimity,” “considerateness,” “big-heartedness,” “very generous,” “sweet reasonableness,” “yieldedness,” “selfless non-aggressiveness,” “bearing toward the faults of others,” “mercy toward the failures of others,” and “leniency.” It means not being personally offended or unkind or bitter, retaliatory, or vengeful. It is a kind of patience that can submit to injustice, disgrace, and mistreatment without hatred, bitterness, malice, or retaliation. Do you see how rich the word is? Paul is saying, “Let qualities like these be evident in your life.”

Gentleness shows that your heart is not constricted with selfishness and pride. It flows from a humble heart. Being gentle says, “You may have offended me, mistreated me, or treated me unworthily. I may be the recipient of your injustice and mistreatment, but I can bear this without bitterness and react without anger, showing that my heart is filled with the grace of God. For me, God and the gospel are important; my self is not a big issue. Then I can show a gracious, big-hearted, magnanimous spirit toward you because of God’s grace.” You do not demand your rights.

This is not a quality of the natural person because selfishness is their world. They live and die assuming the whole world revolves around them. It is all about them, listening to what everybody says about them, taking personally every single thing that ever happens in their life, filtering it through their little ego process, and getting offended by every small thing. Such people cannot live like this. This is a command for born-again believers.

We see under “meaning” the scope. He doesn’t say, “Let this be manifested only in the church.” “Be a calm person, a gentle person with everyone in the church, but then go home and become a devil with your wife, husband, and children.” No, no, notice he says, “to all men.”

Verse 5: “Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.”

This means to everyone in the world. You cannot just assume you are gentle; you must consciously manifest to all people around you that you are a gentle person. Paul says we are to show all traits of gentleness, making it evident to everyone. We are not to hide it under a bushel. The Holy Spirit works in us to create this, and it should be seen by everyone. We have to express this in every way to all men we come in contact with, without exception. That is the scope. So we have answered the first question: what does gentleness mean?

Why Do We Need to Be Gentle?

There are three reasons: for the Gospel, for the Goal of salvation, and for our own happiness.

We saw last week what the Lord went through in Gethsemane, Gabbatha, and Golgotha to redeem us from our sins. Every believer whose heart is touched by faith does not just stop with emotions but determines to live a life that glorifies such a Lord—to live a life worthy of the gospel. How do we live like that? Paul shows us in these verses that we don’t have to do big, world-shaking things. There are three practical, positive changes in our lives, three commands, and three gospel duties. The first command in verse 4 is, “Rejoice in the Lord always.” The second command, which is inseparable from the first, is that you have to manifest gentleness to all people.

This is how Paul is living in prison. He is being treated most unjustly by both the Roman government and even the church in Rome. In prison, he is not getting irritated, bitter, or angry. He is rejoicing, and at the same time, he is gentle toward all people. All the soldiers are wondering, “How can he be like this?” In his own situation, he wants Christ to be proclaimed in every way (1:18, 20). He teaches the Philippians to live a life worthy of the gospel (1:27). Remember, this is also related to his command in 2:14, “Do all things without grumbling or disputing,” so that we will shine forth as lights in the world in a crooked and perverted generation (2:14-16).

We completely destroy our witness for the gospel if we are always short-tempered, bitter, and upset about small things, if we are tense and worried about even small things, and if we don’t manifest gentleness. People around us must wonder, “What kind of God does this man believe in? He’s so tense and has no calmness. I don’t want their God or their gospel if they live like this.” What a shame we bring to God by this. When people do wrong things to us, we don’t learn to forbear with them and say all kinds of bitter words. We can never be a witness. We have to rise above our selfish concerns—”How does this affect me?”—and see how it affects the gospel. When people do wrong things, we have to see those things as opportunities to be a witness to the gospel.

Paul says, “Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men.” In other words, “Go out of your way to show others that you are gracious, forgiving, patient, and not easily offended.” This quality is so unlike the world’s way that we will stand out as distinct and have opportunities for witness. We reveal the gospel power in our hearts. A gentle approach has softened hearts and overcome resistance to the gospel in many cases. Gentleness is an attractive quality that can draw people to the gospel. So gentleness is essential to our gospel witness.

Secondly, the Goal of Christian life. Remember, the goal of a Christian is to become like Christ. Do you know that of all the beautiful traits of the Lord, if there is one thing He told us directly to learn, it is this? Matthew 11:29 says, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

In that cruel Roman world, He shined like a bright sun because of this quality. I think the most attractive trait of Jesus must be gentleness. He had a gentle heart, and gentleness flowed out in His speech, which was filled with sympathy and tenderness. He was a friend even to the worst of sinners. He scattered kindness wherever He went. He welcomed the most suffering lepers, the diseased, and the demon-possessed. How gentle He was! He could heal people with just a word. Why did He touch people? That was His gentleness and compassion, His sympathy for their pain. He appreciated and encouraged the weakest faith. How thoughtful Jesus was for people’s needs! He pointed out to His disciples that the five thousand people who had been listening to Him preach were hungry, and He felt such compassion for them that He personally prepared miraculous food for them all.

There is a song, “Gentle Jesus, meek and mild.” He was approachable and tender in His disposition, so patient with His stupid, confused, and argumentative disciples. Mothers offered Him their babies to hold and pray for. He put a toddler in the midst of His disciples and said beautiful things about the child. He was gracious with the woman caught in adultery and with tax collectors like Matthew and Zacchaeus.

Unlike many pastors today, there is not a single instance of Jesus barging into another’s house and demanding things. When He needs a donkey to enter Jerusalem, or when He needs an upper room for the Passover, He does not command, even though He could and it was for their own good.

We saw in the “3 Gs” what gentleness meant in each place. In Gethsemane, in that horror, how gentle He was with His disciples, who were sleeping three times! If I were there, I would have either killed them or taken a stick and beaten them and chased them away, saying, “Are you still sleeping? Can’t you stay awake with me for one hour?” But He said, “I know your spirit is willing, but your flesh is weak.” Wow. Then, with Judas, if it were me, I would have taken a knife and cut the traitor to pieces. When Peter cut off one man’s ear, Jesus said, “Don’t you know that I could appeal for twelve legions of angels, and they would come to deliver me?” Then He healed him.

There He stands arrested, cruelly mocked and treated in Gabbatha, unjustly sentenced without any crime. He didn’t fight for His rights like us, get bitter, or curse them for what they did. Not a single murmur, not a bitter, angry word came out of His mouth. He waived His rights; He had come to die. There were more important matters than getting His rights: the glory of God, the salvation of eternal souls, and the gospel.

In Golgotha, even when He was hanging on the cross in indescribable pain, how gracious He was! His first words, His first prayer to the Father, were not to help Him but to forgive them, “for they do not know what they do.” What was His second saying? Even in that horror, He thought about who would care for His mother. He told John, “Please look after her,” and said to His mother, “He will be a son to you.” What gentleness!

The greatest example of gentleness is our Lord. It is from his heart that this cruel world learned this divine trait. The more we meditate on Jesus, the more we can learn gentleness. How can you and I call ourselves Christians and followers of this Jesus when we are always short-tempered, in pride and selfishness, cannot bear a single wrong, and have no forbearance, no moderation, no magnanimity?

So, first, for the gospel, second, for the goal of a Christian, and thirdly, if these two do not touch you, for your own happiness. Unless you learn this, you can never be happy.

Thirdly, verse 5 is inseparably connected with verse 4, where Paul says, “rejoice in the Lord always.” Think about it: if you are a sad person, the primary reason for your sadness is that you don’t have gentleness. Often, our joy is disrupted by people who wrong us or irritate us, whether at home or outside. How do we respond? If we respond by saying, “How can they treat me like this, say this to me, not listen to me? I have my pride! Ego, I have my rights! I’m not going to let him get away with that!”—if we go that route and allow our heart to rise in anger, and open with bitter words, we’ll lose our joy in the Lord. We will never be happy in life.

If we respond that way, it reveals our heart is filled with selfishness and pride. When that wells up in our heart, we need to confront it and confess to the Lord our love of self. And then, keep learning to just absorb the offense. Accept it; don’t allow it to break out in bitter words and anger. Oh, then the Holy Spirit intensifies the joy. It’s often better just to let it go. Don’t let your hurt feelings that stem from your selfishness rob you of your joy in the Lord.

Not only for your spiritual happiness but also for your physical happiness, you need to learn gentleness. Gentleness greatly reduces stress in your heart, stomach, and even your face. It creates a calm and composed demeanor and a beauty in the face that no makeup in the world can give. A happy, calm face has a divine glow that others see. A gentle approach to life can positively impact our mental health, leading to increased feelings of peace and contentment. It affects your speech; you learn to speak with empathy, so good and nice words come from your mouth instead of cursed, bitter ones. It helps relationships; gentle communication promotes understanding and empathy, leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships. So there are three reasons: the gospel, the goal, and happiness.

“Okay, good, Pastor. I understand. How can I be gentle? I get so irritated at home and at work. People keep doing things that irritate me so much. Just going home after church, I become so irritated. They are so selfish, with no care, no sense. If I don’t pour some fire on them, they will never behave properly. How can I develop this?” So our next question is:

III. How do we develop forbearance? We have seen “what” and “why.”

It does not come naturally. It is very difficult for selfish, proud people like us to be gentle, to be calm at all times, to all kinds of people, especially when they treat us wrongly. I admit I get upset sometimes. But a great comfort is that it is not an immediate gift, but a trait that has to be cultivated and practiced regularly. I am not saying to suddenly be perfect from tomorrow. Maybe you can for a week, and then slowly forget, and old habits will return like an old bird. No, we learned this is a command of God, and we should aim to cultivate it in all our lives. It is a comfort because it has to be cultivated and practiced regularly, just like learning piano or a new art. But we must start practicing today. It will take time, but we must set ourselves resolutely to the task—a lesson we must not fail to learn if we want to be a witness for the gospel, be like Christ, and live rejoicing. Christ’s gentleness is the standard. Every day, we should keep progressing toward that goal. But how?

Paul shows how we can develop this quality. The secret of developing this quality is to realize the great truth he says at the end of verse 5: “The Lord is near.”

There are two ways the Lord is near. Our Lord has promised to always be near us, right, to protect us and watch us. He promised nothing will happen in our lives without his divine purpose. The secret of gentleness is living with the sense that “the Lord is near me, watching me in this situation.” Keeping that fact in mind will help us to exert control and strength to kill our selfish anger, and show forbearance to those who act insensitively toward us. We should always act as we would if the Lord were standing there watching us.

A number of verses in the Old Testament give assurance to God’s people that the Lord is near, especially when others oppress them (Psalm 34:18). “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” We see this is one truth that always kept David from taking selfish revenge. Though Saul treated him most unjustly, he got repeated chances to kill Saul, but he was gentle with him. Why? 1 Samuel 24:12: “Let the LORD judge between you and me, and let the LORD avenge me on you. But my hand shall not be against you.” He always knew the Lord was watching him, and he would judge rightly. It was David’s favorite phrase. “The Lord who will deliver me from every evil.” It is like sometimes my son will be troubling my daughter. When no one is there, she will scream. But she sees me behind my son. Whatever John may do, she will be gentle, knowing I am watching. When we realize the Lord is near and watching, that will give us gentleness.

As Hebrews 13:5-6 assures us, since the Lord himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,” we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What shall man do to me?” Remembering the presence of the Lord will enable us to be forbearing.

I have to live worthy of the gospel. I have to reflect my Lord to the world. When he was reviled, he didn’t revile back. When he was threatened, terribly insulted, and humbled, he committed his cause to him who judges righteously. 1 Peter 2:23. What did God do? He lifted him above every name and glorified him. You are called to follow him.

Oh, Christian, don’t think the Lord is far. He is very near—nearer than you imagine. When he says “Lord,” you have to understand what kind of Lord he is. Your view of the Lord will control your conduct. How big is this Lord? He is the Lord of creation, providence, and redemption. Every atom in the universe moves according to his purpose.

He is the sovereign Lord who rules your life and all situations. He decides your life status and your destiny. Where you will be in life and how blessed you will be. If someone treats you badly and tests your patience, recognize this ruling Lord is near there, which means he is Lord of that situation also. The Lord has permitted that in your life. This sovereign Lord is watching you and scrutinizing how you are responding. Are you going to respond in pride and lose his grace and blessing, or are you going to respond in gentleness and be blessed by him? Remember the Lord is very, very near in that situation. That will make you gentle. You may be humbled in that situation; people may seem to be taking advantage of you, taking your rights, hurting your ego, and pulling things from you. But in that same situation, before those same people, the Lord will avenge you and lift your cause and honor you. Be gentle. Because his infallible promise is, “Blessed are the gentle.” Why? It is not the grasping, selfish, short-tempered, fighting people who will inherit the earth, but the gentle will inherit. They are the ones who will truly enjoy blessings on this earth. So remember, the Lord is near. He’s encompassing you—a personal presence.

So, if someone selfishly and unjustly wrongs you, remember “The Lord is near.” He knows what happened and is able to deal with the one who wronged you. So, trust in him to deal with the other person’s selfishness, and you deal with your own by selfishness and bitterness, impatience, and lovelessness toward the other person. Trust that the Lord is near, involved in your life, involved in your family, and involved with the people around you. He will deal with others and protect you. Trust him.

Not only does he allow the situation, but he is also so near that he is inside you. He is there inside you by his Spirit to give you strength to fulfill this command. He gives you grace to be gentle. This is a tremendous encouragement. This is exactly what Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:16: “at my first defense, no man stood by me, but the Lord stood by me.” If the Lord is near, “Well, it doesn’t matter to me what people say against me.” Someone says, “I am useless, I am lazy, foolish.” I don’t have to react negatively. “It doesn’t matter how I’m treated. The Lord is near, and the Lord knows the truth about everything. And the Lord is the ultimate equalizer, who measures things in life and is the blesser of my life.” This is the source of my security: trust in the presence of my God. If I understand who my God is and that he is near, that’s all I need to know.

Secondly, the Lord is near, as his coming is near. When he will make all wrongs right and will judge those who have selfishly taken advantage of you, entrust yourself to his care when you are wronged. Scripture tells us never to take vengeance when we are wronged, because that prerogative belongs to the Lord alone (Romans 12:19-20). If not in this life, we know that at the judgment, the Lord will deal with the one who wronged us. Our duty is to be patient and forbearing and to show grace to the person in the hope that he will repent and get right with God. James 5:8 says, “be patient, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.”

See, we have to get this perspective: the Lord’s coming is near, or even our life on this earth is near. Either one will soon come. We are not going to live here forever to hold on to things with a death grip. Whatever we have here below is but of short duration. Whether it is prosperity, suffering, or afflictions, they are all both light and momentary and therefore unworthy of any serious regard. Think about this: you can look back upon this past life and see how transient both your pleasures and your pains have been. They have all passed away like a dream. Oh, how we worried about difficulties and were tensed and angry at the time with others. They are all gone now, and little remains of them but the bare remembrance that they once existed. Shall we then suffer our minds to be so affected with earthly, passing vanities as if they were to endure forever? So we should hold them loosely, not with a death grip, and not be too elated by the enjoyment of them nor depressed by their loss.

Paul says to the Philippians and today to us, “Though it may be painful for you to take the unjust treatment, though it may be contrary to your nature to swallow your pride and to bite your lip and not to return evil for evil, if you have to live a life worthy of the gospel, you have to manifest gentleness.” How do I develop this, Paul? Practice this truth: “The Lord is near.” His presence is always with you. What about physical wrongs I go through? Remember, “The Lord’s coming is near,” and he will come and take vengeance on all who oppose you.

Before I go to the explanation, let me qualify this command: “Be calm always.”

IV. How do we practice forbearance without getting trampled on or without compromising the truth?

“Pastor, if I practice forbearance, I’m going to get walked on! In this a dog-eat-dog world, everyone will take advantage of you. I live with aggressive, assertive people. How can I practice forbearance without getting run over?” Does this mean I do everything people tell me to do and not resist and be gentle?

Just as we cannot rejoice always, such as in sad situations like at a funeral home, there are occasions where we shouldn’t be calm. But those are rare. Soon, we should come out of it. 99% of the time, the prominent trait should be calmness. When can we lose calmness? I think there is one rule: We need to learn to discern the difference between selfish things and godly things, essential things from the peripheral, non-essential, small things. Once you know them, then don’t bend on the essentials and godly things; give room on the non-essential, small, and selfish and peripheral things. We need to develop the capacity to differentiate between what is really of vital importance and what is not—to stand like a rock on the things that are vital but to be gentle and reasonable about the things that are not.

For example, if people are following and learning a false teaching, we shouldn’t be gentle with them. That teaching will destroy their soul. So we must strongly warn them. Remember how the Lord rebuked them. Even Paul was not gentle; he calls them to “beware of dogs.” If someone marries an unbeliever and the church and pastor are gentle and allow them, that is wrong. We shouldn’t allow people to abuse our gentleness and make us sin and disobey God. “Oh, he is so gentle; he will agree to everything.” No, we stand firm at those times. We are accountable to the Lord ultimately. You can’t allow pushy people to determine your schedule or priorities. Jesus was gentle and forbearing, but he didn’t allow others to dictate his ministry (Mark 1:35-39; John 7:1-10). Sometimes Paul stood up for his rights, but his motive was not self-love but love for the gospel (Acts 16:35-40; 25:11). There are times when it is not loving to let an aggressive person continue walking all over you and everyone else. The loving thing is to confront the person and not allow them to dominate you. Check your motives! It shouldn’t be selfishness or pride, but the gospel and God.

Application

Gentleness is a beautiful quality. Nobody admires a short temper in either a man or a woman. When a man is harsh, unfeeling, unkind, and rough in his manner, whatever he may have, he doesn’t have good character. When a woman is loud-voiced, dictatorial, short-tempered, petulant, and easily speaks bitter words, whatever other talents and beauty she may have, this short temper mars her true beauty. No such woman was respected anywhere in history or blessed by God. Peter 3 says even God doesn’t respect such women. True beauty in God’s sight is the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. It is precious in God’s sight.

Why should we show gentleness to all people? Because all people greatly need this. More than anything, this world needs gentleness. All human hearts hunger for understanding and sympathetic gentleness. Who among us does not want this? The world is filled with people carrying deep, hidden sorrows, struggling with sinful hearts and the curses of sin in life, though they don’t show it outside. Sinful life in this fallen world is rude to them, full of cruelty. Their family is rude, their education is rude, and the outside world is a place of sharp competition. They yearn for sympathy, understanding, and gentle people. We all need gentleness. We know not who we meet any day who needs the help that our gentleness could give.

What a gospel witness we will be if we learn to show gentleness.

Think first of gentleness at home. Oh, how much we need this gentleness in our homes. We need it in our families, in the irritations of daily life. Practicing this trait will make the happiness of the home a little like heaven.

Are you letting your forbearing spirit be known to your mate? Forbearance. Are you gracious and patient when your husband or wife fails or falls short? When they repeatedly show their weakness, how much we embitter one another because we lack gentleness!

What about with your kids? Some well-meaning Christian parents are so rigid and strict with their children that they provoke them to rebellion. We need to be as forbearing with our children as the Lord is with us. It is said that home is the first school for children—a school in which great life lessons are learned by kids. What are we teaching in that school by our attitude and words? Are we teaching them gentleness and love, or are we teaching them a short temper, revenge, bitter words, selfishness, and angry words? Are we making our homes a place where there is no control, where we open our hearts and pour out our ugly emotions in loud, bitter words?

“Oh, Pastor, I have so much work, and I come home with tensions. They irritate me. What can I do?” I know that for a woman, a mother, life is so difficult, even more difficult for working mothers, with no rest at all. It is 24 hours of work, work in the office and work at home. With less sleep, when one day’s tasks are finished and they fall on the bed for rest, she knows that her eyes will open in the morning to another day full of the same work as the one that is gone. With children continually around her, irritating her, bringing their little hurts, their quarrels, their complaints, and always talking, with a thousand questions for her—sometimes we wonder, “How can I be gentle, Pastor?” I know, and God also knows.

Let me encourage you to seek God’s grace for that and learn to practice this divine trait. It is this, more than anything, that will set a godly example for our children and bring them to faith. In fact, 2 Peter 3 says it is this hidden beauty of the heart, with the incorruptible, ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. It will even bring husbands who do not obey the word to be saved without a word by the conduct of their wives. How much more will this gentle and quiet spirit touch the small consciences of our children? It is a powerful witness for the gospel. Oh, how many examples we have in the church! We read about Monica, Saint Augustine’s mother. She was married to an unbeliever, Patricius, and had three children. Do you know what her great trait was that changed her rebellious son, Augustine, into a great church father? He could reject all her teaching and lessons wherever he went, but he could not forget her quiet and gentle example. It kept talking to his conscience. That trait even brought her unbelieving husband to faith. Then there was Susanna Wesley, John Wesley’s mother, who had 19 children and produced great leaders. You see how she achieved it—through gentleness.

So, mothers, let me encourage you to practice this. No matter how heavy the burdens of the day have been, when we gather at home at nightfall, we should bring only cheer and gentleness. Oh, may we learn to practice this patience, self-control, and calmness under provocation; in all gentle thoughtfulness, and in little tender ways in all the family interactions.

Without this, no amount of good religious teaching will ever make up for the lack of gentleness toward children. One person said, “My parents were Christians, took me regularly to church and Sunday school, and taught us to pray and read the Bible. But they were never gentle or affectionate towards us. The coldness of their character made me reject the gospel.” No young life can ever grow to its best in a home without gentleness. Yet there are parents who forget this or fail to realize its importance. There are homes where the scepter is iron—where affection is repressed—where a child is never kissed after baby days have passed. I plead for love’s gentleness in homes. Nothing else will take its place.

We need this not only at home but in our church and at our workplace. Paul says, “all men.”

The world needs this so much. We need it in the world, at work or at school, where self-seeking people often try to take advantage of us. We will leave behind us a trail of broken or strained relationships if we do not learn to be forbearing people—to yield our rights, to be gentle and gracious, not demanding. We won’t take it personally if we’re slighted. We’ll be gracious and give others the benefit of the doubt. We won’t jump to the conclusion that they deliberately wronged us. We’ll try to be understanding and make things easier for the other person.

So, let me remind you. This is not natural. Practice, practice daily gentleness. Avoid all sharp speech, haughty, bitter words to all people, even a beggar. Control any faintest risings of irritation. We must school ourselves to be thoughtful and patient.

The Bible encourages us: when we aim to practice this, we have divine, co-working help. Galatians 5 says, “The fruit of the Spirit is gentleness.” The Holy Spirit will help us to learn the lesson, working in our heart and life, creating the sweetness of gentleness.

There is a legend of a great artist. One day he had labored long on his picture, but was discouraged, for he could not produce on his canvas the beauty of his soul’s vision. He was weary too, and sinking down on a stool, he fell asleep. While he slept, an angel came and, taking the brushes that had dropped from the tired hands, finished the picture in a marvelous way. Just so, when we toil and strive in the name of Christ to learn our lesson of gentleness, and yet grow disheartened and weary because we learn it so slowly, Christ himself comes and puts on our canvas the touches of beauty that our own unskilled hands cannot produce!