In the passage from Matthew 19, we are looking at two very important topics—marriage and children—on which depend the state of churches, society, nations, and even coming generations. It is interesting that the Lord, just after correcting the attitude and understanding of his generation on the sanctity of the marriage bond, immediately corrects their attitude about children. It is proved in history that these two issues generally fall or stand together. When you have a Biblical view of the sanctity and permanence of the marriage bond, you will have a high, Christ-like attitude and importance toward children.
A wrong view of marriage is often selfish. It doesn’t understand the sanctity of the marriage bond. The focus is on “My life, my career, my progress, my achievement,” which despises the institution of marriage and therefore regards children as an intrusion on the pursuit of personal fulfillment. People ask, “Why should I give up my career for children?” Some even think, “Why should my figure be spoiled for nine months?” and are even ready to kill that life through abortion to pursue their career. Some surveys show a startling attitude: some parents regret having children. For instance, one survey indicated that 70% of parents said, if they had to do it all over again, they would have no children (though the findings of such surveys can vary widely based on methodology). This shows a view of children as “too much of a nuisance.” The fact that a significant number of children are in orphanages, many more in day care centers, and many left at home alone to be raised by television while their mothers go to work underscores this societal neglect.
We can absorb the world’s selfish attitude about children and see them as a hindrance, avoiding them, putting them in day care, giving no attention or time to them. We fail in our responsibilities by pursuing our own goals. The Lord in this passage first corrects us. The more we have a proper Biblical perspective on the sanctity of marriage, the more we will realize our duties and the attitude we should have toward children. We must see little ones as a blessing and a priority, to be received with largeness of heart and openness of spirit, not merely as a source of pain, which they indeed are sometimes.
Last week, we saw the activity of some parents in bringing children to Christ so he might lay hands on and bless them. The response of the disciples was to strongly rebuke and threaten them. Parents repeatedly tried to bring the children, and the disciples repeatedly rebuked them. Then the response of the Lord was very strong. His emotional response was that he was moved with indignation. His verbal response gave two commands: permit them and do not hinder them, and then a reason for the command: “For the Kingdom belongs to such as these,” meaning their objective, natural condition is a mirror of His kingdom’s citizens. His physical response was that he laid hands on and blessed them intensively.
Today, I wanted to bring some further application from this passage. I am dividing them into three categories: Doctrinal/Theological, Ecclesial (Church), and Familial (Parenting) applications. The doctrinal error the church has committed on this passage about children is important to note. Secondly, as a church, how should we view children and what is our duty? Thirdly, as a family, as parents, what is our duty toward children?
✝️ Doctrinal Theological Application: Infant Baptism
If you read most commentaries, even many old Puritans, this is one of the texts, along with Mark 10, strongly used for infant baptism. Whether you like it or not, we have to admit that most of Christianity for centuries practiced infant baptism in history. This practice was followed not just by groups like Roman Catholicism or Liberalism, but by many truth-believing churches established by the ministry of Luther and Calvin, including New England Puritan churches, American Presbyterians, and Orthodox Presbyterians. Most of them use this passage repeatedly in defending infant baptism. Therefore, I want to give you a doctrinal application from this passage, especially since there are some Presbyterian churches here.
You will be shocked to know Matthew Henry, John Calvin, J.C. Ryle, Lenski, and William Hendriksen all use this to defend infant baptism. I address this so you won’t be confused when you see such esteemed men interpreting baptism here.
- Matthew Henry (d. 1740) wrote: “Our children are happy, if they have but the Mediator’s blessing for their portion… he asserted their visible church-membership, and by another sign bestowed those blessings upon them, which are now appointed to be conveyed and conferred by baptism, the seal of the promise, which is to us and to our children.”
- John Calvin (1500s) argued that Christ’s grace reaches to this age of life also, and it would be “cruel to exclude the age of this age from the grace of redemption.” He used this passage to oppose “Anabaptists,” saying, “When we don’t give them baptism, we hinder them from coming to Christ… shut the door as strangers… and Christ will rebuke us… Guilty of Irreligious audacity by shutting the door by not applying baptism…. Every man who scorns the sprinkling of a baby is more like the disciples who forbid them, and will be rebuked.”
- Lenski (Lutheran commentator) warned: “We leave them outside the kingdom and the receptiveness of grace passes away by not baptizing. Who will count the crimes against babes… by denying them one divine means by which they can be brought to Christ…”
- William Hendriksen regarded them as being in the kingdom and as “holy seed.” He argued that since little children belong to God’s covenant and church, “baptism, the sign and seal of the covenant, [should] not be withheld from them… Divine blessing received earlier becomes a mighty incentive to whole-hearted, personal surrender to Christ.”
- Even J.C. Ryle stated this as the basis for infant baptism, devoting two pages to explaining why.
It is a shock that there is such overwhelming consensus among large segments of the Christian church that Matthew 19 or Mark 10 is a great passage for infant baptism. What do we say to all these giants—Matthew Henry, Calvin, Ryle, Hendriksen—whose sandals we are not worthy to untie? You kind of understand why they treated the early Anabaptists so harshly, given the struggle and suffering those groups had to go through.
The Baptist Response: Christ’s Blessing is Not Baptism
Well, you have to say that they are, after all, men and fallible, and in this case, they are not biblical and wrong.
C.H. Spurgeon, in response to tremendous opposition against his sermon against “baptismal regeneration,” preached another sermon from the Mark 10 text, which he famously entitled: “Children Brought to Jesus, Not to the Font.”
- First Heading: This text has “NOT THE SHADOW OF THE SHADE OF THE GHOST OF A CONNECTION WITH BAPTISM.” Whatever may be connected to it, this passage is not connected to baptism, “either in shade, shadow, or the ghost.”
Apart from being humor, he was at that point accurate in telling what the passage is talking about: some people bringing their babes to Christ that he might touch them, pray for them, and bless them. Was there any water in that? Disciples hindering them? Jesus rebuking them and saying what? “Permit them to come to the baptism pool”? No. “Stop hindering them from coming to me,” which in the context means only to me for my touch and prayers/blessings.
He took them to His arms, not to a pool or a baptism tank. He didn’t anoint them, sprinkle them, or pour anything. It has not the shadow of the shade of the ghost of a connection.
I hope nobody sitting here is thinking infant baptism is right. It is completely against the word of God. Lord Jesus, who taught his disciples to baptize in Matthew 28, is the same Jesus who said, “Stop hindering them.” With the same authority in Matthew 28, “All authority has been given to Me… Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them…” He doesn’t say “them and their children,” but those who believed and repented and became disciples, who are capable of receiving instruction in the commands and precepts of Jesus. It is a universal scope—all nations—and it continues until the end of the age. It is so clear.
They say we don’t follow and love Christ if we don’t baptize kids. We say because we want to accurately follow Christ and love him as per his word, we don’t baptize children. It is an expression of loving obedience to Christ and his word, who said baptize only confessed disciples.
They say we don’t love our children if we don’t baptize. We say because we really love our children, we will not confuse them with infant baptism until they responsibly come to faith and respond in faith. Baptism always signifies the application of the blessings of salvation; it is the outward expression of an inward change—forgiveness of sins, death to the life of sin, newness of salvation, and being attached in union with Christ. Baptism is not a hope that one day it will apply to them; it is something already done.
In each and every example in the New Testament (NT), baptism is explicitly connected with an intelligent and positive response to the preaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This practice accords perfectly with that of John the Baptist, who insisted not only upon the expression of repentance but also upon some evidence of repentance. (Interestingly, John also made it clear that a claim of family membership was an insufficient response to the preaching of the coming Messiah; there must be a personal response of repentance, Luke 3:8.) They again hide behind household baptisms in the NT. Yes, Acts says three families were baptized: Cornelius, Lydia, and the Philippian jailer. Only three families. How do we know they had babies? In the case of Cornelius, for example, those who were baptized (10:48) were those who heard Peter’s preaching (10:33, 44). They also experienced the reception of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues (10:44-47, an experience connected with belief, cf. 11:17). In the case of the Philippian jailer, it explicitly says that Paul and Silas “spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house” (16:32), and that the jailer “rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household” (v. 34). The members of the man’s family heard and believed, just as he did, and that is why they were baptized along with him. The Bible clearly gives no basis for infant baptism.
So let us be clear. That is the doctrinal application. This passage is not about baptism. Don’t be confused if you hear great heroes like Henry, Calvin, or Ryle. We may have to forgive them. If any of you have any questions, you can talk to me.
The New Testament states that God called us as a church to represent Christ in this world. The path of our sanctification—the process of becoming holy—is laid out in Romans 8:29, where we are called out to be “conformed to the image of his Son.” As 2 Corinthians 3:18 teaches, when we look at Christ in His word, the Holy Spirit transforms us into His image.
This passage (Matthew 19:13-15) shows us Christ’s reaction and attitude towards children even when He was deeply focused on going to the cross. If we are to follow Christ and be transformed into His image, this passage reveals what the church’s attitude toward little children should be.
Christ is no longer physically here, visiting villages and cities. He is at the right hand of the Father, but He is here by the Spirit and in our hearts. We, as the body of Christ, must reflect and mirror Jesus’s attitude and posture toward children.
None of the children in our generation will ever see Jesus take children in His arms and pray down the favor and goodwill of the Father upon them. He did it once and ascended to heaven. But it is His purpose and will that His church on earth would continue to reflect His heart in all things, including His heart toward the little ones. This passage is written to teach us that this should be our attitude toward children: to reflect His attitude and disposition, and to imitate His actions as much as possible.
The contrast here is stark: the disciples’ attitude was that the Lord had too many weighty, important things to be doing and that children were a hindrance. The Lord rebukes them: “No, stop hindering them; permit them.” It is a straightforward command to us: we are not to reflect the disciples’ attitude, but as the body of Christ, conformed to His image, we are to manifest the disposition and posture of the Lord Jesus.
Manifesting Christ’s Blessing
Christ took them in His arms and blessed them. To bless them means “to call down or invoke the gracious favor of God upon someone.” It is a direct contrast to cursing, where we call God’s anger upon someone. Luke 6:28 and Romans 12:14 set blessing and cursing as opposites: “Bless them that persecute you; bless, and curse not.”
This gives us an idea of how our attitude should be toward children. We must always have an attitude to bless the children, pray for the children, and do good to the children. Since we cannot baptize or save them, what must we do? We must do what Christ did: have the attitude of Jesus.
To be like Jesus, we must seek to cultivate—by the Spirit’s enablement—that disposition that blesses the little ones, that reaches out to the little ones, that ministers to little children, that seeks to demonstrate the heart of Jesus open and large to little ones, even to the babes in arms.
J.C. Ryle said:
“Let us learn, for one thing, from this passage, how much attention the souls of children should receive from the Church of Christ. The Great Head of the Church found time to take special notice of children… He did not think little children of small importance… He had room in His mighty heart even for them… He has left on record words concerning them, which His Church should never forget, ‘Of such is the kingdom of God.’”
- Priority for Children’s Souls: We must never suppose that little children’s souls may be safely let alone. Their characters for life depend exceedingly on what they see and hear during their first seven years. They are never too young to learn evil and sin, and they are never too young to receive religious impressions. They think about God, their souls, and a world to come far sooner and more deeply than most people are aware. We cannot begin too soon to endeavor to bring them to Christ.
- The Church’s Duty: These truths ought to be diligently considered by every branch of the Church of Christ. It is the bounden duty of every Christian congregation to make provision for the spiritual training of its children. The boys and girls of every family should be taught as soon as they can learn, should be brought to public worship as soon as they can behave with propriety, and should be regarded with affectionate interest as the future congregation.
- A Healthy Church: We may confidently expect Christ’s blessing on all attempts to do good to children. No church can be regarded as being in a healthy state which neglects its younger members and lazily excuses itself on the plea that “young people will be young” or that it is useless to try to do them good. Such a church shows plainly that it has not the mind of Christ. Christians who do not use every means to bring children to Christ are committing a great sin.
So, as a church, this teaches us we are to be like Christ to them, loving them, giving special attention to them, and caring for them. We must show that Jesus is one whose heart is open toward them, who delights to invoke blessing upon the little ones. We have to show that by earnestly praying for them, even with tears, for their salvation (even men crying).
👨👩👧👦 Familial Application: Parenting Duty
Finally, what does this passage teach to parents? Parenting is a big challenge. I myself see it as the most difficult and challenging thing, and I constantly pray to God for wisdom on this. Why is it so difficult? We must understand the difficulty before we can solve it.
Many think parenting is difficult due to the great investment of time and expenses. This is true, but I think there are two much bigger challenges in parenting that we need to understand if we are to bring these kids to Christ. These two challenges—one external and one internal—are the great enemies we are fighting against.
1. The External Pressure: Overexposure and Culture
Our children are not growing up like we grew up. We spent most of our time playing simple children’s games—many without money—with lots of open spaces to run wild, scream, and play. Information was phased out to us carefully and gradually developed. There were secrets about life we didn’t know as children; that was the exciting journey of growing up.
But now, our children are growing in a different environment because they live in the electronics, information, and media age. They live in the internet world. This has made them uncontrollably overexposed to many things. They are learning too many things too fast. The media does not differentiate between adults and children; they are exposed to everything.
For us, childhood was all about secrets and suspense. Children nowadays are not like that. They are overexposed to things their minds and emotions cannot handle, consequently hurried into massive temptations. They are under the constant onslaught of this corrupt world with its wrong ideas, wrong desires, wrong words, wrong deeds, and wrong attitudes. Children shaped with all this exposure can become terrible sinners and severe problems for parents and society.
Notice your children: they often talk like adults; they seem to know so much. We see a lot of arrogance and rebellion. They do not have self-control, they are restless, they are never satisfied with anything, and they are unable to deal with the issues that arise because of this information. This causes immense problems: arrogant children who think they know more, rebellious children who ask, “Why should I listen to you?”, dissatisfied children who are never grateful, a gradual decline in self-control, and a decline of shame. Children’s crimes are growing higher than in olden days. They are doing what even adults would not do then. This is all because of the external pressure of influence and overexposed information. This is an immense challenge put upon parenting from the outside.
2. The Internal Pressure: Depravity and Sin
This external challenge is compounded by an even more immense challenge put on parenting from the inside—the internal pressure.
See, our children may be ignorant when they come into the world. They may be naïve, but they are sinners. They may be inexperienced and cute, but they are not innocent with regard to evil. Remember, the seed of every known sin is planted deep in the heart of every child.
We should never assume they will somehow come to God or somehow slide into heaven. No, they will slide more into hell, not heaven. The drive to sin is embedded in their natures, and it is the compelling drive. They don’t come into the world seeking God and righteousness. They come into the world seeking the fulfillment of their sinful desires.
As adorable as our children may be, they are reprobates, depraved creatures. If we are not committed earnestly to bringing them to Christ, those seeds inside them are waiting for the opportunity for a tragic harvest. They will be allowed to give expression to their most evil desires. The Bible says in Proverbs 22:15: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of righteousness will drive it from him.” If we allow them to grow as they want, we are simply allowing the children to give full expression to their depravity.
When we hear about mass murderers and serial killers, people often wonder what their parents did. The problem is often not what their parents did, but what their parents didn’t do: they failed to control, discipline, and restrain their sinful hearts. And even more, those children were never converted.
Psalm 58, verse 3, says this: “The wicked are estranged from the womb; and these who speak lies go astray from birth.” Verse 4 continues: “They have venom like the venom of a serpent.” They are “little snakes.” “The poison of asps is under their lips, and they’re wicked when they come out of the womb. They are liars from their birth.” That is called “total depravity.” That is the internal pressure our children have.
So, when we want to begin parenting our children, we must recognize these two realities: they have this external sinful pressure of the world with overexposed information, and the internal pressure of a depraved nature. This is the great challenge we need to face.
The Priority: Discipline and Instruction of the Lord
Understanding these two things is foundational for all parenting. The challenge is serious, and that is why parenting becomes a priority. If you don’t do anything to your children as a believing parent, you will face sad consequences.
So, what is the answer of God’s word for this problem? We can punish them, discipline, and teach them some outward morality and keep them under control. But we need to understand their hearts are depraved. Frankly, whatever control we bring outwardly is temporary and will remain only as long as they are under control. Once control goes, so goes their outward behavior.
In this condition, our greatest priority in parenting is to bring these children—sinful externally with overexposure and depraved internally—to Jesus Christ. That is the only hope. We should never be satisfied with external morality, but plead that God may transform their hearts. Frankly, all the outward things we teach them will be temporary if we don’t lead the fallen, sinful child to the transforming grace of Jesus Christ.
The Word of God summarizes our duty in two commands—a negative and a positive one:
Negative Command: Do Not Provoke Them
Colossians 3:21 says: “Fathers, do not embitter/aggravate/antagonize/irritate or exasperate your children, or they will become discouraged.” (The Amplified Bible says: “[with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by favoritism or indifference; treat them tenderly with lovingkindness], so they will not lose heart and become discouraged or unmotivated [with their spirits broken].”)* Do not be hard on them. Do not make them resentful.
Ephesians 6:4 states: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger…”
You don’t want to make them angry, hostile, or bitter; you don’t want them to turn against you and all that you hold dear. Colossians adds, “Lest they be discouraged.” You don’t want to destroy them. The word provoke means to irritate, an intense form of “to make angry.” It irritates, provokes, frustrates, exasperates, or embitters them. And there is a lot of that being done today, resulting in angry, sullen, bitter children.
Ten Ways Parents Exasperate Children:
- By Overprotection: Fence them in, never trust them. Don’t give them the opportunity to develop independence. Pestering them and not allowing little freedom will instill an angry mood. Overprotection frustrates and angers a child.
- By Favoritism: Isaac favored Esau over Jacob; Rebekah favored Jacob over Esau. The sad results are well-known. Don’t compare them; love them the same, without special regard for each.
- By Setting Unrealistic Achievement Goals: Some parents crush their children with pressure—to excel in school, sports, music—which often has more to do with the parent’s reputation than the child’s well-being. This leads to anger and bitterness when the child feels they have not fulfilled an expectation.
- By Discouragement: A lack of understanding and lack of reward destroy motivation and incentive. You must understand your children—what they are thinking, why a certain behavior occurred. Especially during tough times (like the current challenges), do not just punish them for their wrong behavior. They go through anxiety we all go through. Understand why they cannot go out and play or go to school. Be sympathetic toward them.
- By Failing to Sacrifice for Them (Selfishness): Making the child feel like he is constantly an intrusion or an interruption into your life. The parents want to do what they want to do—farm the kids out somewhere, not change their lifestyle, and leave the kids to fend for themselves. They will resent your being uncaring, unavailable, and self-centered.
- By Failing to Allow for Some Growing Up (Perfectionism): Let them goof up a little. Let them make mistakes. So they knock something over at the table? Don’t rage (“rudra thandvam”); laugh it off. Let them share their ridiculous ideas or plan silly things to do, and don’t condemn them. Just expect progress, not perfection. Children who live in fear of their parents’ scolding will not try anything new.
- By Neglect: The biblical illustration is probably David and Absalom. David spent no time shaping him, and Absalom ultimately hated his father. The worst kind of neglect is lack of consistent discipline. Teach them; discipline them, consistently using the rod in love.
- By Abusive Words: Verbal abuse is a terrible thing. A barrage of well-chosen words from your adult vocabulary can cut that little heart to shreds. What is devastating are words of anger, sarcasm, or ridicule. We often say things to our children we would never say to anybody else.
- By Physical Abuse: An angry child is often a beaten, abused, over-zealously punished child, usually from an angry, vengeful parent who only cares that he has been inconvenienced or irritated, not that the child needs correction for his own good.
Positive Command: Bring Them Up in the Lord
Ephesians 6:4 gives the positive command: “…but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Meaning: treat them with love, treat them in a way that affirms your affection so they don’t become hostile. The positive is: “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Parenting is simple, really: loving your children so that they are not angry with you and bringing them up to know the Lord. It is the responsibility of both parents.
What does “bring them up” mean? They won’t get there themselves. Proverbs 29:15 says, “A child left to himself brings his mother shame.”
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Jesus affirmed this, saying, “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness as well as deceits, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness.”
As a Christian parent, you must recognize the external enemy and the internal pressure of depravity. Your task as parents is to target the heart of the child. Changing your child’s behavior is not the crucial issue. In fact, a change in behavior without a change in heart is nothing but hypocrisy. The sin and the rebellion are still there, only delayed in expression.
Parenting, first of all, is redemptive. It goes for the heart. The first thing your child needs to know is he has a wicked, sinful heart that is alienated from God and is the fountainhead of every imaginable iniquity, and that something has to happen to change that heart. The problem with your child is not a lack of maturity or understanding; the problem is a wicked heart.
The goal of parenting is salvation and sanctification. It is not control, not producing socially commendable behavior, not making them polite, and not getting them to perform for your approval. The goal of parenting is to bring them to Christ like these parents brought them, and not hinder them. The goal is to see your child saved from sin and its eternal wages and then to follow the path of sanctification.
Listen. Any objective less than that is only behavior modification. The issue is the heart. And you have to understand that you have a sinner who is depraved to the very core, who needs salvation, forgiveness, and sanctification. And you start by making that child aware of a sinful condition and the judgment of God.
Don’t just train your child to be self-controlled and learn to say no when wanting something. Train your child to understand temptation and resist it because the sins of greed, lust, selfishness, covetousness, and indulgence dishonor God and pander to a wicked heart. Punish for the sin but teach that the heart is the problem. Your children are ruled by the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life. They are selfish, self-centered, and they want everything they can see now.
Correct them, not to satisfy the offended, irritated, or frustrated parent—that is anger, that is vengeance. But correct them to satisfy God who has been offended, and God has not just been annoyed. And remind them that God who has been offended seeks a reconciliation with them through trust in Jesus Christ. This is the target of all parenting: it’s the heart and it is salvation.
Defining Discipline and Instruction
Discipline means reproof, rebuke, correction, and the use of the rod, lovingly but nonetheless consistently.
Listen now, you never use the rod as punishment for sin; that is not your job. You never use the rod as payment for sin. You use the rod as correction to avoid payment at the hands of God.
“Bring them up” means targeting the heart. “Bring them up in the discipline.” The Greek word is paideia. It means to “rear a child,” involving training, instruction, and learning. It is also used in Hebrews 12:5–11 for chastening or disciplining. It essentially means training. Here is what it can really be summed up to mean: enforced conformity of the heart and the life to God and His truth. How do you enforce it? By punishments and rewards. Bring them up, train them, raise them with chastening and discipline and training and instruction and learning and enforced conformity of heart and life to God and the principles of His Word.
Susannah Wesley once wrote this: “The parent who studies to subdue self-will in his child works together with God in the saving of a soul. The parent who indulges self-will does the devil’s work, makes religion impractical, salvation unattainable and does all that is in him to drown his child, soul and body forever.” Don’t indulge self-will in a child; subdue it. Breaking self-will is the key.
Teaching them that they are sinful and that that self-will is a sinful expression that is an offense against God for which God will punish them eternally. Teach them that they are called to obey the law of God, which they are to do but can’t do apart from God’s grace working in their hearts. Show them their sin and show them that they can’t do anything about it; only God can change their hearts through their faith in Christ. And as they exercise simple faith in Christ when they are young, accept each step they take. God only knows when true conversion takes place. Encourage every step toward Him.
The word “admonition,” or instruction, is the word nouthesia. It has the idea of warning and teaching in it. We have to warn our children that there are not only physical consequences in the family to their behavior, but there are much more serious consequences from God.
The word “discipline” may refer to what is done to the child in terms of correction, but the word “instruction” refers to what is said to the child. It’s verbal instruction with a view toward judgment.
Heart-Centered Instruction and Model
You know what? If our instruction is to impact their heart, then ours should come from the heart. Let me take you to a passage in the Old Testament that will further define this heart-centered instruction: Deuteronomy 6.
- Verse 4–6: “Hear O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, with all thy soul, with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart.” This means internalize what you believe about God. Not only have the right theology, but the right heart.
- Verse 7: “And you shall repeat them diligently to your sons…” You have to commit to your children not only truth, but truth in an uncompromising, no-hypocrisy heart of conviction, truth in a pure heart, truth in a holy life, so that you see God in everything. You love Him with your heart, your mind, your soul, your power, everything.
If you are going to teach your children, you have got to have the right God and the right faith, and it has to come right out of your heart. It has to be internal with you, not just external.
- Verse 7 continues: “Teach them diligently unto thy children, and shall talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” That simply says that you have to teach from life situations. You have the right faith in God, you have internalized it. Your heart is filled with love, your passion is toward God, you love Him with your heart, mind, and strength, and now, out of every vicissitude, every trial, every struggle, every moment of life, you teach the truth of God. It isn’t enough to sit down with your kids and read them a Bible story, and then go on and live a worldly life the rest of the day. You have got to draw God into every analogy, into every aspect of life; they have to see the Lord in everything.
All of life becomes a blackboard in which you teach the truth of God. And it’s unending, unceasing, constant. Teach it diligently all the time, so that it is the flow of life. It’s much more.
You want to teach, you want to model. Admonition with a model—this is where many parents fail. Here is the key: you have to set the pattern; you have to set the example.
Here was a man like Eli, who was the high priest—God’s number one man in the land—but his sons were wretched, vile, and terrible. Eli went to them, and all he said was, “You shouldn’t do that.” And he had no clout, and he had no power, because a compromiser can’t pass convictions on to anybody. You will never get your children to live the kind of life you are not willing to live, except by the overruling, overpowering grace of God.
You cannot speak of the sins of your children with any power at all when there are sins in your own life that your children are very much aware of. You will never get your children to live the kind of life you are not willing to live. You have to pass on a high standard of holiness, and believe me, folks, you cannot just beat your kids into obedience while you are compromising yourself.
Tom Cohen said: “The authenticity of parental commitment to truth apart from the lives of the children is what brings freedom to share or pass on that truth to them. In other words, a mature motive for passing on truth is that as a parent I hold that truth to have value for my life, independent of my children and their response to it.” So, remember: admonition with a model.
Warning and Terrifying Realities
They need to know in no uncertain terms how deep that sin goes in their nature. They need to be taught that they will feel impulses that are wrong and illegitimate and dishonoring to God and emblematic of the fact that they are alienated from God. And they need to be shown clearly the consequences of that sin, and when I talk about that I am talking about the forfeiture of blessing, difficulty in life, death, and eternal hell. Children need to know that.
Jonathan Edwards said that whenever he preached to children, he liked to preach on hell because he said, “It is easier to terrify a child than an adult by setting before it dreadful things.” Children should be terrified about eternal punishment, shouldn’t they? It’s a terrifying reality. Children are more susceptible to those terrors, and they’re also more susceptible to the winsome glories of heaven. You don’t leave that out.
They also need to understand that if they put their trust in Jesus Christ, their sins are forgiven and they need not fear, but they can live with the hope and the joy of heaven. So a parent’s first task is to pursue, vigorously, the eternal salvation of their children.
If you read the sad, sad story of Eli’s family, the key is right there. His sons brought a curse on themselves and Eli did not rebuke them. It wasn’t because of something he did to them; it was because of what he didn’t do. He did not warn them.
The task is formidable, folks. And the truth of the matter is only God can change the heart. The goal is not to modify their behavior. The goal is for God to change the heart. To lead your child to Christ and then when your child acknowledges Christ, to lead that child to sanctification by discipline and instruction. Spend your time helping your child to understand how sinful he is. Spend your time helping him or her to understand that only God can change the heart. Spend your time disciplining that child to conform to God’s law. But more than that, to love God with all his or her heart, soul, and mind.
One father, looking at the parenting process in retrospect, had some practical things to add to that. “If I were starting my family again,” he said this:
- “I would love my wife more in front of my children.
- I would laugh with my children more at our mistakes and our joys.
- I would listen to my children more, even to the littlest one.
- I would be more honest about my weaknesses and not pretend perfection.
- I would pray differently for my family. Rather than focusing on them, I’d focus on me.
- I would do more things with my children.
- I would do more encouraging.
- I would bestow more praise.
- I would pay more attention to little things.
- I would speak about God more intimately. Out of every ordinary thing of every ordinary day, I would point them to God.”
And that’s really it. What is the issue is the heart and whether that little life can be taught to love God and understand that only God can change his or her heart. That’s the path of parenting. That’s the path it has to take. And it’s heart work and it’s a battlefield, and it takes not only great instruction and discipline but utterly consistent example.
Grace Reformed Baptist Church, Bangalore 