Happy New Year to all! I want to thank all of you who prayed for my health. I am not saying this as a mere formality, but out of sincere gratitude as one who truly feels the benefits of those prayers. Though these prayers were offered for my physical healing, they have filled me with increasing grace during a very difficult time. For example, I generally cannot bear pain well and will grumble a lot—here I am, giving big sermons, yet I usually struggle with physical suffering. However, I noticed a miraculous ability to bear this pain without much grumbling. I used to wonder if I had overdone things and ruined my health, but during this trial, not one such thought crossed my mind. I have done nothing to deserve this. I simply did not want to make things worse, so I could not do anything out of care, worry, or fear. That is why I put aside all treatments for ten days. These prayers gave me the grace to bear pain with gratitude. If the Lord had not saved us, my life could have been filled with smoking, drinking, and wild living, and my liver and lungs could have been destroyed by cancer or disease. Instead, my heart is filled with gratitude that I am so healthy because of the Lord. I strongly believe He has allowed this trial to teach me humility, to sanctify me, and to bring me closer to Him. All of this is the work of grace resulting from your prayers, so thank you for every one of them.
Because of the severe pain in my neck and back, I thought about avoiding preaching today, but sometimes God’s word comes to us sharply through His providence. As a church, we hear a lot of truths, but when it comes to practical godliness, we are very weak. Our church commitment, Sabbath keeping, and family worship are weak, and you will find many sins in our communal life. Perhaps this is simply a reflection of my own life. During this season of pain, I want to talk about a sin that I have been committing more against my wife and children. If there is one category of sin that we all commit with the least concern, the least sense of guilt, and the least sense of shame, it is this one. What sin is that? Next to the sins of the mind and heart, the easiest way you and I sin is through the sins of the tongue. You have likely sinned with your tongue during this conference many times, even today. However careless we may be, our Lord has given a sober warning: “Every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.” The Bible is filled with warnings against the sins of the tongue.
I want to state three general biblical principles about the tongue at the very beginning:
- A great expression of human depravity can be seen in the use of the tongue. Listing the effects of the Fall, Paul says in Romans 3:13, “Their throat is an open grave; with their tongues they have practiced deceit. The poison of vipers is under their lips.”
- No natural man can ever control his tongue. James says that man has tamed everything, even large animals, but in James 3:8 he writes, “No human being can tame the tongue.”
- Only those who are born again, with the help of the Holy Spirit, can control their tongue. Even the born-again believer cannot do it on their own; it requires the Holy Spirit. In fact, if we as born-again people do not learn to control our tongues, James implies it is doubtful whether we are truly saved.
As we begin this new year, if you want to see good days ahead, look first at what God says through 1 Peter 3:10: “For, ‘Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech.'” Do you want to see good days? The first step is to keep your tongue from evil and your lips from deceit.
Therefore, I want to speak under two main headings: the five dangers of an uncontrolled tongue, and the four ways to control the tongue. We will look at these five dangers and four solutions.
The 5 Dangers of an Uncontrolled Tongue
The greatest danger in the modern world is a nuclear bomb. It can destroy a whole nation, even most of the world, yet it can be operated by a small switch or a touch button. In the same way, the tongue is the small switch for a nuclear bomb. On the one hand, it is so small that it seems irrelevant and unimportant. On the other hand, it is so powerful that this tiny organ can blast our souls, families, churches, and societies. Most of the time, families are destroyed not by scandalous sins, but by the sins of the tongue. A wife and mother can destroy her home with an uncontrolled, loose tongue. A father can break his children, and children can regularly sin against their parents by dishonoring them with their speech. Churches and our gospel witness are destroyed because of an uncontrolled tongue. If you observe closely, you will see that one of the greatest hindrances to family worship is the sin of the tongue.
Words are some of the cruelest weapons in the entire world. If people hit us with sticks, rods, or knives, the physical wounds heal within a few days. But the wounds created by words can stay for years. James tells us about the five dangers of an uncontrolled tongue by giving us five pictures of what happens when our speech goes out of control. Remember these five words starting with the letter D: Destructive, Defiling, Devilish, Defiant, and Deadly.
1. Destructive
First, the tongue is destructive. James 3:6 says, “And the tongue is a fire.” What does fire do? It destroys. James compares the tongue to a small spark that can set an entire forest ablaze. The tongue has a massive destructive capacity. Sometimes, one or two uncontrolled, bitter words are all it takes to destroy a relationship, a marriage, a family, or a church. Think of gossip. A single phrase like “did you hear?” spreads quickly and can burn down a person’s reputation that took decades to build. Like a fire, once the words are out, you cannot pull even the smoke back into the room; the damage is done.
Consider how this applies to children. We can break our children with our tongues. In a moment of extreme frustration, a parent might tell a child, “I wish you were never born,” “I should have choked your neck when you were small,” or “It is better if you die.” Even if the parent apologizes later, that spark has already ignited a fire in the child’s heart. It creates a permanent scar of rejection that may lead to the child withdrawing or cutting off the relationship entirely as an adult.
Husbands and wives, one of the most wretched manifestations of our remaining sin is that we feel the liberty to hurt most the ones with whom we have the most secure relationship. Some of you men would never dare, no matter how aggravated you were, to speak to your boss the way you speak to your wife when you are annoyed by her. You would not even speak to a fellow church member that way. Why? Because you know your boss might fire you, but you assume your wife is not going to divorce you. You see, it is the security of the relationship that makes it easy to sin with the tongue. Oh, the destructive things we say to our husbands and wives without ever realizing how it is destroying our marriages and our children. Am I the only perverse one here who sins so much in this area?
We often speak with constant criticism and fault-finding. I am learning this through my teenage son. When there is always criticism—”You are like this, you didn’t do that, you are a pastor’s son so you should be perfect”—after years of hearing this, a child just wants to close their ears and run away. I am learning that before you say two negative things, you should say two good things. Tell them, “Look, you are doing this so nicely, and this other thing is perfect, but these two areas need correction.” Will that not bring about a more positive change in the child?
Children, while all of God’s blessings on your life depend on honoring your parents, you likely sin and dishonor them with your tongue seventy percent of the time. This is the fire of backtalk. A teenager filled with hormones can allow their tongue to catch fire and destroy the peace of a home in an instant by screaming, “I hate you!” or “You’re the worst parents ever! What did you ever do for me? Saving me was just your duty because you birthed me!” This might be a momentary venting of frustration, but it burns a hole in the parent-child bond and breaks a parent’s heart, requiring years of replanting to regrow. One moment of angry words spoken in the heat of an argument, or sharing confidential secrets in front of the children, can burn down decades of trust. So, that is number one: the tongue is destructive.
2. Defiling
The second D is defiling. Scripture says: “So is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body…” (James 3:6). It is a world of iniquity that defiles the whole body, setting on fire the course of nature. James is saying that the tongue does not have a localized influence; it spreads fully into the rest of your personhood. It does not just hurt others; it stains the person speaking, defiling our whole being and our soul internally. When you speak words of malice, lust, or falsehood, the very act of speaking those words stains your conscience and soul. This defilement always separates us from God. When you speak like that, you cannot properly pray, read the Bible, or commune with the Lord.
It also defiles your physical body. Have you ever noticed how your body reacts to an uncontrolled tongue? When you yell in anger, your blood pressure rises, your muscles tense, and your heart races. Medical science tells us that thousands of nerves are negatively affected when we speak wrong words in anger. See how this small organ defiles a man both spiritually and physically.
Furthermore, it causes social defilement. Our uncontrolled words defile our children, our wives, and our husbands when they hear them. Sometimes when I hear wrong words, it defiles me, bringing bitter thoughts and negative reactions. If you keep defiling yourself and your family with such words, how can you expect to have meaningful family prayer?
See what that continual defilement can do: it “sets on fire the course of nature.” This is one of the most fascinating phrases in the New Testament, translating literally to “the wheel of birth” or “the cycle of existence.” James is picturing life as a revolving wheel. An uncontrolled tongue can set that entire wheel spinning in a fiery, destructive direction, and its effects can be felt for many years. For example, a single bitter, hurtful word in a marriage that creates a deep scar can start a cycle of retaliation that spins for years because one spouse thinks, “He spoke to me like that, and I will never forget or forgive it.”
We can say things to our children that will affect their entire lives, and even their own children’s lives. This is the generational impact. Because the Greek word used here refers to birth and lineage, many scholars believe James is saying the tongue can set fire to your family tree. Because of the way you speak, your children learn to speak and react in the same way, and their children learn from them, turning it into a generational pattern. The fire of an abusive or critical tongue, filled with ugly speech, cruel mockery, fault-finding, and sarcasm in one generation often sets the wheel of the next generation on fire, passing down the same toxic patterns.
For example, consider a husband who constantly uses sarcasm or put-down humor against his spouse in front of their children. This does not just hurt the spouse; it defiles the children’s view of their parents and ruins their understanding of what a marriage should look like. The respect and dignity in the home are completely defiled. Think of a wagon wheel rolling down a hill; if it catches fire, the faster it spins, the more the wind fans the flames. As your life rolls on from youth to middle age and into old age, the words you spoke years ago continue to affect the course you are on today. The tongue can defile our whole body, soul, family, and future, spoiling everything.
3. Devilish
Third, the tongue is devilish. It is set on fire by hell itself. You cannot get much stronger language than that. When we do not exercise self-control over our tongues, we are presenting them to the devil as channels for him to ignite with the fire of hell, which will drag us and those around us down. If you think about it, the greatest weapon Satan uses to accomplish his agenda and lead people to ruin is the tongue. When we lose control, we allow the devil to enter our homes and bodies to use our speech. Jesus said, “But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother… shall be in danger of hell fire.” (Matthew 5:22). That is why Jesus said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan.” Peter was allowing the devil to take control of his tongue through his uncontrolled emotions of sorrow, speaking on Satan’s behalf.
Ephesians 4:26–27 says, ““Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Verse 29 adds, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth.” When anger is stored overnight, it turns into bitterness. Then it goes out of control, and the devil uses that bitter anger to make you speak exactly what he wants you to say. Have you ever wondered how you could have said certain things in a moment of rage? The attack shifts from resolving the actual problem to wounding the whole person, wondering: How can I hurt them and retaliate? What words can I use to deeply and unforgettably scar them? In that moment, Satan suggests the exact words to you.
Satan is called the accuser. When we accuse people, we are acting as a mouthpiece for the Accuser. An example of this in the family is triangulation. This happens when a mother complains to her son or daughter about the father’s failures, saying how useless he is, how he does not buy things, or how there is no money. By using the tongue as a channel for bitterness, she creates a wedge between the father and the child. This makes the child think that if there is no money, there is no life or love in the family, reducing everything to finances rather than family bonds. This invites confusion and every evil thing into the household, replacing love and peace with broken relationships.
Similarly, a father might have a bad day at work and come home to set the house on fire by screaming at his kids or wife for small mistakes. Another devilish manifestation is comparison: “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” This is devilish because it sows envy and turns brothers and sisters into rivals. By using the tongue to compare, a parent creates a hellish atmosphere of competition rather than a heavenly atmosphere of unconditional love.
4. Defiant
Fourth, the tongue is defiant and untamable. In verses 7 and 8, James points out the irony that humans have tamed lions, elephants, and massive animals, but cannot tame the two inches of muscle behind their teeth: “but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil…” The tongue is like an uncontrollable animal. It defies control and refuses to be tamed by human strength alone. James pictures the tongue as a restless evil, comparing it to a newly birthed mother tiger separated from her cubs in the forest and put into a cage, pacing back and forth, waiting to break out and commit acts of violence. That is how the tongue acts inside the strong jail of our thirty-two teeth—pacing around, waiting for the moment it can come out and hurt someone.
A restless, unruly animal cannot be predicted, and there is no safety with that kind of creature. In a family, if there is someone with an uncontrolled tongue, family life becomes like walking on eggshells because no one knows when it will snap. An unpredictable temper and uncontrolled outbursts destroy the peace of the home, transforming it from a secure place into a zone of anxiety. No one knows when the person will get angry and say something that spoils the entire evening and ruins the atmosphere. Whatever we hear about the value of family prayer, an untamed tongue will ruin it. Children grow up with high anxiety, never knowing when the beast of the tongue will lash out. The tragedy is the total loss of emotional safety; the house is no longer a home, but a cage where everyone remains on edge.
Men, we have seen this animal in traffic during moments of road rage or outbursts of anger. In that moment, the tongue is like a tiger breaking out of its cage. You know you should not say those things, and you do not truly want to say them; you try to hold them back, but the tongue defies your logic, devotion, and faith, and leaps out anyway.
The devil is the father of lies, and all lying children speak the devil’s language. When a child habitually lies about where they are or who they are with, the relationship of trust is broken. The parent no longer truly knows the child, and the relationship becomes a cage of suspicion and monitoring. The child may get angry, but they do not realize they have allowed the devil to use their tongue to lie and destroy their parents’ trust. The tongue is defiant. If you do not learn to control it, you will see that people who leave it uncontrolled grow old, never find quietness, and open their mouths only to let a gutter of grumbling flow out. Even when they want to keep quiet, they lose the ability to do so.
5. Deadly
The fifth D is deadly. Notice the second part of verse 8: it is “full of deadly poison.” The tongue, he says, is like venom. It is full of deadly poison. James compares it to the venom of a snake—silent, but lethal. Malicious words are like deadly poison. When we speak cruel words, constant criticism, and mockery, we are actually forcing our families to drink poison.
The tragic effect of this is a slow emotional death. Poison does not always kill instantly; it often weakens the victim slowly until they wither away. In a family, this looks like the death of a thousand cuts. Constant criticism, mocking a spouse in front of the children, or comparing a child to a more successful sibling by saying, “You are a failure, you will become useless, you are the lazy one,” allows that poison to seep directly into their identity. The child begins to see themselves only through those harsh words. He stops trying because the tongue has already pronounced him dead in that role.
These words act like a slow-acting venom. Constant mocking and sarcasm directed at a child’s hobbies or dreams will kill their creativity and courage. Over time, the victim’s self-worth dies, their motivation vanishes, and they become completely negative. The child’s entire perception of their potential becomes darkened and stained by the parent’s careless speech, resulting in the death of the parent-child relationship.
The exact same thing happens to the intimacy between a husband and a wife when one says, “You never improve, you never change, you have been the same for twenty years.” This deadly poison kills the partner’s desire to change or try. If a husband constantly hears, “You’re a failure as a husband and a father,” that poison seeps into his identity and he simply gives up.
Sometimes, people use the tongue as a silent poison, which is something wives may do by choosing to weaponize silence. Giving the silent treatment is an unruly evil. It defies the biblical command to not let the sun go down on your wrath, leaving the other spouse in a state of emotional abandonment.
So, my brothers and sisters, here we have five pictures of the dangers of the tongue. The tongue is destructive like fire. It is defiling to the whole person. It is devilish, drawing its heat from hell. It is defiant like a rebellious animal. And it is deadly like poison. The next time you want to open your mouth to speak wrong things, repeat these five Ds to yourself five times: Destructive, Defiling, Devilish, Defiant, Deadly.
An uncontrolled tongue not only destroys families, but it also destroys churches. While the Holy Spirit unites us and wants to make us one body in Christ, the tongue acts as a knife performing devilish surgery, cutting the body into pieces. Even if what is said is technically true, whispering—sharing private information under the guise of a prayer request—destroys the safety of the church community. For instance, a member might share a deep struggle with a deacon or pastor. The deacon then tells his wife so she can pray, and soon the entire church knows. As a result, people stop being honest, and healing stops.
Similarly, someone who constantly critiques the pastor’s sermons after the service creates lingering divisions. Where there is no unity, there is no spiritual power. The Holy Spirit is grieved (Ephesians 4:30), and the fire of the Spirit is quenched by the fire of the tongue. Even our corporate worship is corrupted by our speech; James 3:9–10 points out the absolute hypocrisy of using the exact same tongue to bless God and curse men.
An uncontrolled tongue even destroys our gospel witness. The greatest instrument God has given us to share the gospel is the tongue. Why do you think most of our tongues are tied when we want to talk about the gospel? It is because we regularly defile them through uncontrolled talking with outsiders. If we are regularly using our tongues wrongly at work and in other places—lying, gossiping, joking, talking carelessly about the boss, or using “corrupt communication” (such as crude jokes) all week—and if you react with angry words when wronged, how can we share the gospel? Even if we do share it, who will listen? They will say, “You talk just like us, so why should I listen to you?” Your tongue has stripped the gospel of its transforming power in their eyes. You have effectively closed the door to the Kingdom for that person.
I hope this gives you a sense of the danger of our tongue and the importance of this topic. Now, if you realize this truth, you may see that you have already spit poison and caused death in your family, church, and the world outside by the poison of your tongue. If something is in a dead state, we need to perform CPR: Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation. Let me teach you a spiritual CPRR for the spiritual death caused by an uncontrolled tongue. This is how to control our tongue: CPRR.
C – Conscience Sharpening
Keep your conscience sharpened like a knife. If you want to make progress in overcoming the sins of the tongue, the first step is to always maintain a sharp consciousness of its danger. Keeping your consciousness sharp is just like a butcher who keeps his knife sharp; otherwise, he cannot do his work. He will always take a file and keep rubbing the knife to maintain its edge. Do not sharpen your tongue; sharpen your conscience.
You might hear about the danger of the tongue today, remember it for two weeks, and then slowly forget, causing the effect to wear away. Have you noticed that? Any truth we hear newly—whether it is about family worship or another conviction—holds our attention for two weeks, and then slowly the effect goes away. It is because when the conscience first hears the truth, it becomes very sharp and we are conscious of it. But, just like the Parable of the Sower, the influence of our remaining sin, the influence of the world, the worries of life, and Satan slowly blunt the memory and dull the consciousness. They take the edge off our consciences, and then we fall into a horrible indifference to the sins of the tongue. That is why, though we read about so many truths, our minds become blunt after some time and we fail to benefit or progress.
So, if you have to make progress in overcoming this sin, keep your conscience sharp. How do we keep our consciousness sharp in this matter? We do it by regularly training our conscience with the truths of God’s word, just like that butcher rubbing his knife against a rod. We have to take the varied teachings of God’s word about the danger of the tongue and keep rubbing them against our consciences so they never become blunt.
That is why the Psalm 1 man is a blessed man: he meditates on God’s word regularly, which keeps his conscience sharp. James also talks about how we shouldn’t deceive ourselves by hearing God’s word but not doing it—looking at our lack in a mirror and then walking away and forgetting what we look like. Instead, James 1:25 says, “But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.” Therefore, we need to constantly and regularly bring to our mind the different teachings of God’s word about the tongue. Scripture is filled with them, not only in James, but also in Proverbs, Psalms, and even historical records.
Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” The wise man says this small organ possesses the awesome power of death and of life. So let me encourage you to always remind yourselves of the danger of the tongue. Remember that the greatest expression of depravity is revealed through our speech.
P – Prayer
The P stands for consistent, earnest prayer that we be kept from this sin. You must realize this is no small matter. Man can control almost anything, but not the tongue. For human beings, it is impossible; it is only with the help of the Holy Spirit that we can do it. Therefore, we need to regularly pray for His help.
The Psalms are filled with prayers for this. Look at David’s earnest prayer in Psalm 141:1: “Lord, I cry out to You; make haste to me! Give ear to my voice when I cry out to You.” For what does he cry out? Verse 3 says: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” See how earnestly he prays for this. Before anything else, David prays earnestly because he knows the danger.
“Set a watch” uses the very words that describe a military activity, where soldiers are placed at a strategic location to guard something. David is saying, “I am conscious, Lord, that unless You do this, the hinges on the door of my lips will keep opening at times and in circumstances where they ought to remain shut, causing me to say horrible things. Lord, I plead with You, please act like a sentinel upon the door of my lips.” That is David’s prayer.
I want to plead with you to determine that in the coming days, you will include this as part of your daily prayer and as an important part of your family worship: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” You will observe that you lack control over your tongue mainly because you do not ask for God’s help like David did; you do not pray about it. As James says, you have not because you ask not.
R – Restraint
The first R stands for restraint. Learn to make a conscious, constant effort to restrain your tongue. In Psalm 39:1–3, there is a situation in which David felt something very, very deeply. Perhaps the people around him were talking loosely, making him very angry and upset. He was becoming deeply emotional, his distress grew worse, and his heart grew hot within him. Have you ever felt that kind of pressure? When people around you are irritating you, you can feel like a pressure cooker ready to burst out and say something.
Yet, knowing the wisdom that it is at exactly such times that our tongues can become destructive, defiling, devilish, defiant, and deadly, look at what he does in verse 1: “I said, ‘I will guard my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, while the wicked are before me.'” David knew, here is a situation where I could easily sin with my tongue, so he was determined that he would not open his mouth, and that he would maintain control. He writes, “I was mute with silence, I held my peace even from good; and my distress was grew worse.” He didn’t even say what was good.
Restrain, restrain. When you begin to feel the heat of disagreement, or a volatile emotional response rising up—whether it is angry words, sharp words, or insulting words—learn to restrain them. Think of the picture of a bridle. It is like you have a powerful, tall, uncontrollable horse with full muscle and immense horsepower. Left to itself, it will run at great speed. Everything in that huge beast, in all of its muscle and sinew, wants to bolt here and there, making a massive noise. But the rider pulls the nose rope with all his strength, restrains it from going wild, and keeps it in one place. You know how much strength is needed for that. The rider holds the horse in with a firm grip, controlling its neck, head, body, and all four legs. It takes a conscious, deliberate effort. You don’t do this while you are sleeping. You don’t do this without thought. You do it with the full strength of your will and soul.
So, practice restraint. Though we may feel something very deeply—so deeply that we can say our hearts are hot within us like a fire within our breast yearning to break out and vent through our mouths—we must bridle it. We must muzzle it. When anger blinds your eyes, give your mind and intellect a chance to work. We must restrain it.
You might say, “Oh, I cannot do all that, pastor. I will just open my mouth and let whatever river or gutter comes out flow freely.” If you don’t learn to practice this restraint, see what James says in James 1:26: “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.” If any man thinks himself to be religious—if he thinks he is a great believer, a committed church member, a pastor, a deacon, or a very devotional person—yet has no experience with conscious, deliberate, and effective restraint of the natural impulses of the tongue; if you do not know what it is like at times to feel that restraining your tongue is like holding back a horse that wants to bust out of the gate and go running at breakneck speed, then whatever you say, you deceive your own heart and your religion is vain.
So, when a wife irritates her husband, or a husband upsets his wife, and you want to open your mouth with bitter words: bridle it. Children, when your parents are saying things you don’t like, and you want to say things back that will dishonor them because you think you know better: restrain it. You might think you are smarter than your mom and dad, and you stand ready to be smart-mouthed with them. That stinks in the nostrils of God. You may be highly intelligent, and they may say things that you could easily argue against and show them up. But if you want God’s blessing by honoring your parents, do not do it.
We do not show ourselves to be wise by always talking. Proverbs 17:28 reminds us: “Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.” When he shuts his lips, he is esteemed as prudent. He becomes a guy who knows much.
R – Rule Your Talking (The P.L.A.N. Rule)
The last R is even more important. You might ask, “Pastor, does this mean I shouldn’t talk at all?” No. Learn to rule your talking. If you forget everything else, don’t forget this: Rule. Ruling the tongue means speaking always in a way that pleases God. What are the biblical rules for talking?
Just as we plan and deliberate before doing other major tasks in life, whatever we speak, we should plan to speak. Remember the abbreviation PLAN. It contains four biblical rules for talking. Before you open your mouth, follow this checklist. P – Is my word pure? L – Are my words coming from love? A – Is it appropriate? N – Is it necessary? When you open your mouth to speak, your words should have to cross through these four doors.
P – Pure (Is it Untainted?)
Ephesians says to let no corrupt or dirty word come out of your mouth. We have to speak with wisdom, and the first condition for wisdom listed in James 3:17 is that the wisdom from above is “first pure.” Run a mind-check: Are my words pure? Am I speaking from anger, bitterness, selfishness, or pride? Is there a hidden motive? Am I saying this to make myself look better or to subtly make someone else look worse? If it fails the purity test, it is tainted. Don’t say it. If it is pure, the first door opens.
L – Loving (Is it Kind?)
Ephesians 4:15 tells us to “speak the truth in love.” Run a mind-check: Even if I am right, am I being harsh? If I say this, will it build the person up or tear them down? Love is the water that puts out the fire of an angry tongue. A soft answer turns away wrath. Without love, our words are just clanging cymbals. Love works no ill to its neighbor. Are the words you are about to speak truly motivated by love—a love that does not seek to do ill? This does not mean we only speak soft, gushy words. It is not a shallow notion of love that will never rebuke or never admonish. True love is determined, in some cases, to wound a person for their own ultimate good, rather than staying silent or venting out of selfish pride to let our anger out.
A – Appropriate (Is it Proper?)
This covers the biblical standard of propriety. Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Run a mind-check: Is this the right setting? Is this the right time? Is my tone appropriate for the person I am speaking to? The devil often uses the right words spoken at the wrong time to cause a massive explosion.
N – Necessary (Is it Needed?)
Many of our words are completely useless and unnecessary. Think of how many idle words we speak. Proverbs 10:19 warns, “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” Every idle word will be judged. Run a mind-check: Does this actually need to be said? Will saying this solve a problem, or will it just vent my own frustration? Most hellfire starts because we feel an unchecked need to have the last word. If it is not necessary, silence is the best bridle.
So, before we speak, it is as if our words must pass through four distinct doors. First door: Pure—if yes, the door opens. Next door: Loving—if yes, that door opens. Third door: Appropriate—then the third door opens. Fourth door: Necessary—and only then do the words come out of your mouth.
You might ask, “Pastor, are you serious that before I say anything at all, I should run down this entire checklist? I will never be able to speak a word for weeks!” Actually, speaking less would be a good thing for a while. But consider this: yes, if you are serious about this, it may make your speech a little slower initially. However, as you use this checklist regularly, you condition your conscience to think and process this way automatically. Soon, you will be able to evaluate your words according to these rules in milliseconds. If an artificial intelligence can answer any question so accurately and beautifully in a fraction of a second, how does it do so? It is because it was trained to answer based on rules. If a system invented by the human brain can do that, remember that it is far inferior to the human brain created by God. We can absolutely train our minds to filter our output by these biblical rules. In a short time, we will learn not only to control our tongues, but also to speak in a way that results in immense good to everyone around us.
So, always PLAN before you speak.
Summary
Today we have learned:
- The 5 Ds representing the dangers of the tongue: Destructive, Defiling, Devilish, Defiant, Deadly.
- How to control the tongue using CPRR:
- C – Conscience sharpened like a knife.
- P – Prayer that is earnest and constant.
- R – Restraint through a conscious, constant effort to muzzle loose speech.
- R – Rule your talking by following the PLAN: Is it Pure? Is it Loving? Is it Appropriate? Is it Necessary?